


Just Ask

by Iwantutobehapppier



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dark Steve Rogers, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Jealous Steve Rogers, Non-Consensual, Oral Sex, Pregnancy Kink, Protective Steve Rogers, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantutobehapppier/pseuds/Iwantutobehapppier
Summary: You’re a mutant/enhanced human in a relationship with Steve Rogers that only the Avengers are aware of. This takes place at the end of Civil War and moves into the time in between Civil War and past Endgame.





	1. Just Ask

“Steve’s not gonna stop,” was the voicemail Nat left, following the fight at the airport. You knew what that meant. You were never going to sign the accords or fight in this no matter how much both sides asked but you weren’t going to stand idly by while they killed each other either.

You had followed Stark to the location, hanging back but even farther back when you saw some guy dressed like a giant cat.

When you finally intervened Bucky was on the ground visibly unconscious and his Vibranium arm across the room. Your eyes quickly diverted to Steve and Stark battling it out. Stark was on the ground with the Iron Man helmet smashed off his head you knew it was time to step in.

Just as Steve moved to slam the shield against the Arc Reactor you brought your hands on the sides of the shield standing above Stark’s head. It took all your superhuman strength to keep him there, a mere inch from the chest piece but your strength would not hold up to Steve’s.

“You can’t fight him Steve, please” you voice barely above a whisper. Steve’s eyes widened and you could feel his pressure against the shield falter a fraction. It was enough for you to shove the shield down on the ground.

“Even the golden boy’s girl knows what side to be on. Nice to see you finally picking a side and step out of the side lines,” you grimaced. You wanted to explain that was not what was going on at all but this was not the time.

“You don’t understand, he’s going to kill Bucky.” Steve looking at you desperately as you both remained above Stark.

“No it’s you who doesn’t understand Cap, he killed my mom. He won’t walk out of here.” Stark responded quickly. There was so much pain and malice.

You shut your eyes tightly, just then you heard Bucky groan out in pain.

The sound plasma hand cannon readying was the only warning you heard and before you could intervene Steve had the shield back in his hands deep in Stark’s chest piece. The hum of the suit dying was chilling enough to bring tears to the corner of your eyes.

Steve breathed heavily and looked up at you as you loomed over them both. His eyes pleading you to understand or forgive him, you weren’t sure which. You did understand, it was Bucky how many nights did he stay up telling you stories about the two of them.

It didn’t matter how many times they brainwashed him, he was still Bucky. You couldn’t abandon Stark just like you couldn’t betray your love to Steve.

“Don’t make me choose,” you took in a ragged breath trying hard not to break down. He closed his eyes for a moment then stood up, pulling the shield out of the Iron Man suit as he did.

He moved over to Bucky, helping lift him up to his feet and began to walk away.

“That shield doesn’t belong to you.” Stark called out as he tried to get up right.

“Tony,” you scolded him. That was Steve’s more than it was anyone’s but he ignored you and continued.

“You don’t deserve it, my father made that shield.” Steve looked at you and then down at the shield. Without a response Steve dropped the shield and continued to walk off with Bucky leaning on him.

It hurt seeing the bruises forming on the sides of his face. You were forever grateful to Stark but could you really just let Steve leave without talking? Turning to Stark you helped him get to his feet within the dying suit.

“Who do I need to call?” you asked, making it clear you weren’t going to help him get back home.

“If you go with them you’ll be a wanted woman.” He warned.

“I already am, remember I didn’t sign.” He grunted. “Oh yeah, you and your ‘I won’t sign and I won’t fight’ bullshit. See what happens? Capsicle can’t think right without you.”

“Tony, who do I call, Rhodes?” He looked away and tried to stand on his own but the weight of the suit was off balance from all the damage and he faltered. You quickly helped him stay upright and then guided to a wall he could lean against.

“Does anyone know you are here?” He bitterly chuckled and that was enough to tell you clearly no. What a mess this had turned into.

Shaking your head in disbelief and pain at how it had all turned out you pulled your phone out and speed dialed.

“Nat? Yeah… No things did not go well at all… they’re all 3 alive,” You looked at Tony and frowned at his bleeding face. “…not without damage though.”

“Follow the gps on the phone, come get Tony and keep it discrete.” Nat disconnected after your instructions and you handed to phone off to Tony. He looked down at your hand then back up, dazed.

“I’m not staying here, and I’m not keeping that on me. You know you mean so much to me and saving me from…you know.” A deep sigh escaped your lips and he glared at you. You sat the phone down on the ground.

“You are going to go after him?“ He called out your name when you turned your back to him, “After what you just saw him do to me, to us, and protect that Hydra Murderer! He killed my parents! My Mom!” Stark’s voice rose with each word as you ran off.

By the time you caught up they were already at the Quinjet and the cat guy was talking to them both outside the jet.

Bucky was the first to notice you, the other two looking your way to see what he was looking at. Steve sucked in his breath through his teeth with wide eyes. He did not expect to see you again, honestly that stung.

The man in the Cat suit had I his mask off, it was T’Challa. You cocked your head to the side, this situation was all sorts of fucked up. Maybe one day you’d get all the details but now you had to talk to Steve.

Bucky lifted his arm out from around Steve’s shoulder and T’Challa helped him get inside the jet as Steve walked towards you pulling off his helmet. You speed walked towards him, slamming your body into him not caring about the painful grunt he made, he was a super solider he could take it.

His arms wrapped tightly around you, almost bone crushing as you wrapped his arm around his neck and pulled him down to kiss you. It was rough and full of the need you two always felt for each other. It was a few minutes before you both pulled away from such a tight embrace.

“I won’t ask you to come with me,” he spoke softly against your lips. You almost wish he would but you knew he would never ask more of you than you could give. He kissed you again but it was softer this time. You pulled away.

“Is that how you kissed that Sharon girl?” his cheeks flushed and muttered “Sam,” under his breath. You smirked.

“I intended to tell you before Sam… It was to get the suits, she was doing a favor and there was a sense of duty to-”

“To kiss a girl who you had been leading on? Oh okay.” you teased him as he fumbled to explain. You weren’t the jealous one out of the two of you.

“Stop playing with me. I have to get Buck somewhere safe.” He stressed and you nodded in agreement.

“You have Bucky, get him the help he needs.” You kissed him again but he frowned.

“I want you too.” he pulled you away from his embrace, his hands resting on your shoulders looking you in the eyes. His swirling blue eyes held so much pain, desire, guilt, anger…there was too much as always.

“Then ask Rogers. You just gotta ask.” The hum and heat of the Quinjet starting up pulled you out of each other’s gaze. “Times up,” you smiled at him as you removed his arms from your shoulders.

“I’ll find you,” the confidence and unsaid meaning in those words sent a chill down your spine.

“I’m counting on it old man.” You watched him walk into the Quinjet, turning around to look at you his mouth opening as if he would ask. You knew better, he was always too late. You started walking away to make your own escape from the chaos that had ensued.

8 months later

You stood in front of what had to be at least 1980’s A/C window unit. You hated the heat. You let out a groan as noise rose from outside the bustling city street of Agadir, Morocco.

The motel wasn’t the worst you had been in so far while on the run. Mercenary work was giving you extra cash to move up from D Grade motels to C Grade. It was certainly easier than your earlier years.

Shaking you heard trying to cool down you knew you just needed to get out of the room, maybe the beach?

Your eyes narrowed while looking at the people on the street then nodded your head agreeing with that idea.

You looked around pretty sure you found the least crowded part of the beach. Walking towards the shore a gentle breeze blew your hair and long thin robe you wore over your bikini. You used to care about showing this much skin, the scars and all imperfections would have made you self-conscious but that was before Steve. Before he instilled in you the confidence and encouraged your self-discovery.

Setting your bag down as you neared the shore you sighed; you missed Steve, desperately at night. Giving him space with Bucky was more important to you than having Steve between your legs every night.

You were pretty sure he was in Wakanda but getting there was proving a task given it was only you. Stark spoiled you with all his means and connections over the years. You looked out, the light blue of the ocean reminded you of his eyes, those eyes that would burn with desire and need for only you.

Cool ocean water brushes back and forth on your feet took you out of your thoughts. That’s what you needed, this was better than that ancient A/C. You began to walk further in pulling the bottom of the robe up however yelling started behind you.

There was panic and pointing to a young gentleman running with a floral bag in his hand, as he came across your bag he grabbed it. “SHIT!” you were too trusting or as Steve would say “Head in the clouds”. Without thinking you launched after the guy not caring about your lack of shoes or clothing.

The man looked behind him and his eyes widened, you were gaining on him and fast. He ran into the street dodging cars, you followed ignoring the gravel and fiber glass your bare feet picked up along the way. When he saw you were still following he quickly turned down a side road leaving the main road facing the beach.

You kept at him and your feet kept picking up more but you pushed through, you needed your bag! You smiled when he ran down a small alley way, fool.

When you turned down you saw him get closed lined by a large arm falling to the ground and slamming his head against the pavement. You looked at the man who had helped you, he had a ball cap on with sun glasses and a short full face beard.

“Thank you,” you said slightly winded as you walked up to get your bag, starting to really feel the pain in your feet now that you’ve stopped running.

“Your feet,” the man muttered pointing behind you to the bloodied foot prints you left. The voice it was so familiar…

As you got closer you starred at his face intently and it clicked.

“Rogers?”

No sooner the words left your mouth he had you up against the alley wall holding your cheeks and kissing you with fierce abandonment. You pulled his hat and sunglasses off let them fall to the ground.

It caught you off guard, the force and wildness as your lips crashed and his tongue demand entrance to your mouth which you gladly allowed. As he was mapping your mouth his arms began to trail down gripping your ass roughly. On instinct you wrapped your legs around his waist, he gladly held you up.

You pulled away to catch your breath and the moment you took another breath he was on you once more, biting your lip pulling a soft gasp from your mouth. He groaned grinding his pelvis into you, both you feeling the dampness in your bikini bottoms.

You could feel him against you, hard and hot. Just as you started to feel dizzy from his demanding kisses he kissed his way down your neck, biting then gently caressing the bite mark with his tongue only to then suck on the same spot. His beard rubbing against your skin in just the right way, you couldn’t help but whimper and dig your nails into his deltoids.

He called out your name, voice deep and gravelly against your neck.

“Please,” you gasped out, not sure what you were pleading for, more or less? His touch was so rough, so much more forceful than any time before. His hands were continuously kneading your ass and helping roll your hips into him with great force.

You felt his breath against your neck, it started shallow but you could feel it begin to slow, his hands just holding you.

Finally he pulled his head out from your neck and looked you in the eyes. There was an unsettling darkness in his look, something unfamiliar to you.

He opened his mouth to say something but a groan from the man he knocked out stopped him. You both looked toward him, his eyes remaining closed but head moving a little. Steve let you down to your feet. Once on them you gasped at the forgotten pain from glass and gravel in your feet.

Steve glared at you, “How could you chase after someone without shoes on and in only a bikini?” sounding like a parent scolded a child.

“My shoes and clothes were in the bag. Might I add I have a robe on!” you matching him with tone of a petulant child.

He rolled his eyes “See through robe,” he picked up the side of you robe to make his point, “What do you think was going through those men’s minds as they saw you chase after this thief?”

“Look at that girl run?” You tried to joke but it was met with a seething glare.

“They were looking at what’s MINE and ogling it.” You could feel the bass in his voice, it scared and excited you. What was going on with Steve?

Before you could vocalize your thoughts he put his sunglasses and ball cap back on, then grabbed both bags the thief had and held them out to you. You took both and squeaked when he lifted you up with one arm under the bend of your knees and the other under your upper back. You placed both bags in your lap and wrapped an arm around his neck.

He began to walk further in the alley way shadows before you spoke up “These aren’t both mine!”

“You’ll have to get the other one to its rightful owner after you’ve put some actual clothes on and I’ve treated your feet.” You nodded silently, his tone still rough.

He took you back to your motel room, how he knew it was yours was bothering you. What was even more bothersome was his silence as he sat you at the edge of the bathtub, robe tossed on the floor and he began to run water while sitting on the toilet seat adjacent.

“Steve…” you broke the silence.

“How long have you been following me?” He cleared his throat and focused on cleaning out your feet.

“How long have you been trying to…” you winced as glass was being pulled from your feet “…find me?”

He pulled the last of the glass from your left foot and looked at you directly.

“You made it hard to find you, never staying in one spot for long,” he went to work on your right foot avoiding your gaze. “I was impressed; you never lost your edge for hiding huh?”

The implications related to your past were not lost on you. A past you worked hard to keep from most, but not him.

“I’m not as good as Nat but I certainly can stay hidden until I want to be found.” Silence encased the bathroom as he worked on your foot and you worked hard to ignore the feeling.

“8 months.” He spoke so softly you almost missed it. He had finished cleaning your feet and started wrapping them in gauze.

“Hm? 8 months?” He didn’t respond until he finished bandaging your feet and pulling them in to his lap.

He stared down at your feet, caressing your ankles. “We got to Wakanda,” you were right, “and Bucky wanted to go back under while they worked out how to reverse the effects of Hydra’s brainwashing.”

He raised his head to face you. “I started looking for you the moment he went under. I regretted not asking you to come with me.” He leaned forward placing his hand against you cheek, you immediately nuzzled into his hand keeping eye contact.

“When Nat heard about mercenary for hire making way along the coast of Morocco I had a suspicion it was you. I found you here a week ago, checking into this motel.”

“Why did you wait so long to talk to me?”

“Things have changed, I have changed. I’m not Captain America.” You slid into his lap, his hand gripping our thighs as you steadied yourself.

“You never were Captain America to me…” You push his hair falling onto his forehead to the side. It’s so disheveled; it was weird seeing him without it in perfect condition but you liked this more.

“We’re meant to grow Steve, it’s okay if you changed.” You kept gently caressing his face.

“I almost fucked you in that alley way. I would have too had that thief not started to wake up.”

You gasped at his words as he moved his hands to your hips sliding you closer to him in his lap, pushing you pelvis against his.

“In fact I think I would have liked him to have woken up, seen my cock buried deep in your tight pussy.” you whimpered as you grinded on him, his words scaring you as they were not him but excited you none less.

“Know this body belongs to me,” his hands smacked both your ass cheeks and pushed you flush to his hot confined throbbing cock. You gave a startled yelp that turned into a moan.

“That YOU belong to me,” he stood up, your legs wrapping around his waist again.

“You belong with me, by my side, forever,” the last part he spoke with hope, as if he wanted you to agree.

“Just ask,” you implored as he laid you on the bed, your knees bent and legs spread to make room for his giant body.

His eyes narrowed at you.

“I’m way past asking permission,” he growled and ripped your bikini top off, you moaned as you felt the fabric tighten then snap against his strength.

“Steve,” you tried to get him to talk to you more but he ignored you in favor of pulling his own shirt off then attacking your neck as he was in the alley.

This time instead he was roughing sucking on your neck while his hands roughing massaged your breasts.

You responded by wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling his hips down to grind against you. His rough attention was driving you insane.

To be without him for so long and come back with this force, this possessiveness nearly made you cum.

He continued to suck on your neck working to leave a mark, a reminder of what he told you. One of his hands moved inside your bikini bottoms.

Slowly rubbing a few circles around your clit you gasped and dug your nails into his shoulders, the sensation was too much. Just then he plunged two of his fingers inside you and curled up, continuing to rub random patterns against you clit with his thumb.

You lifted your upper body up, mewling at the sensation.

“Look at how responsive your body is to me, your pussy aching for me.” he growled into your ear, stopping his ministrations on your neck.

“Tell me, have you been taking care of yourself while I’ve been gone?” He lifted his head up looking you in the eyes a darkness there that was daring you to lie.

Your cheeks were already flush with arousal but you could feel them warm even more with embarrassment. “Ye-yes.” you got out meekly.

He chuckled, it was a dark chuckle, something you’ve never heard from him before.

“Did you think of me nightly doll face?” he continued thrusting his fingers into you at an increasing pace. You cried out gripping his forearm, it was almost too much.

“Oh no no,” he growled and increased his pace, curling his fingers ever so slightly reaching for your special spot. “You’re so tight around my fingers,”

“I missed feeling you wrapped around my cock.” He began to unzip his pants while speeding up his rubbing of your clit and adding a third finger inside your dripping pussy.

“Yes, you know what I want,” your finger nails dug into his arm. “You’re going to give this to me.”

Your eyes widened as you felt the pressure build up inside you. It was too much, this was nothing compared to what you could do for yourself. It was almost better than how it used to be between you two.

“Steve,” you gasped out the pressure building up at a scary pace.

“Yes doll face? What do you need?” A smirk played at his lips.

“Please-” but you couldn’t finish as you felt the dam release. It was over powering as your eyes rolled into the back of your head your hands going limp against his arm.

You could feel the wetness seep out of you.

“Fuck, you’re always so good for me.” you barely heard Steve’s words as the blood was rushing loudly through you, your body not able to come down as he continued to rub your clit but remove his fingers from inside you.

“Too much!” You gasped out, your hands trying to pry his hand off you. Your legs start to flail.

“No!” He ordered and you stilled. He pulled his cock from his pants, it was red and you could almost make out the throbbing veins from above.

You knew after 8 months without him it was going to be a bit of an adjustment given how long and thick he was.

“8 months you made me search for you,” you felt the head of his cock pressing against your opening. His words full of frustration and indicating he had been thinking about the time between as well.

Before you could express your concerns he plunged in. When you both felt him bottom out a mixture of moans and gasps were released between the two of you.

His fingers stopped rubbing you clit letting both of you revel in the feeling of finally being together again. He shifted his hips and you moaned out his name.

“That’s it, you know who you belong to.” he pulled himself out until just the tip was inside you.

You wrapped your legs back around his waist trying to pull him in. He made a sound of disapproval and pulled both your legs from around his waist and in front of him bending you in half.

“This is how I’ve wanted you,” his voice was graveled again, you saw the darkness in his eyes as he starred down at you. His body completely covering you.

“Helpless beneath me, all mine, and not pushing me to ask for it, but letting me take it.” He plunged back in at that, you cried out at the force of his thrust.

“Not too loud doll face, you don’t want to cause any concern have someone see you like this,” he smirked again, “or do you want someone to see you like this.”

You whimpered at the thought, finding it scary and turning you on even more at the same time.

He started a punishing pace, staring right into your eyes, as you held your legs together to the side of your face. His look was relief mixed with anger and that raw desire you were used to from him. You were trying to hold back your cries. He placed his hands on the back of your lower thighs, using it as leverage to continue his pace.

“Please,” You whimpered out, “Steve.”

He looked down at you raising an eyebrow.

“Come on,” he spoke your name tauntingly, “All you have to do is ask right?”

You groaned out, using your words against you. With every moment you were seeing a different side of Steve. You weren’t sure yet if it was good or bad but it certainly lead to a lot of pleasure.

“Cum, I want to-” you gasped out as he started rubbing you clit.

“Do it, cum on my cock,” his force was wearing down the bed frame, it began to creak and shake with each thrust.

You closed you eyes the intensity too much for you to even look at him, this was four times as intense as the last one. You tried to grasp anything you could to ground yourself.

You opened your eyes as he grabbed one of your hands, pulling to his face he kissed the back of your hand. Never breaking eye contact as he continued to thrust and rub your clit through your orgasm.

“Be good for me now, I want to feel you cum on my cock again,” Your eyes widened as you tried to shake your head no but it was too late.

“Remember I’m not asking,” he warned.

Another orgasm crashed over you unexpectedly from all the over stimulation. Suddenly his pace picked up with urgency.

“I’m gonna cum in you doll,” you shook your head no. You knew it wasn’t safe.

“Steve, wait I’m-” he kept his pace up.

“I know, and I don’t care,” you felt yourself edging towards another orgasm at his words. What was wrong with you?!

“I’m going to fill you up with my seed,” he groaned at the image in his mind. “Your stomach round with OUR child. That’s what I want.”

You came again, it was too much, HE was too much, you felt your vision swirling.

“No, stay with me.” He quickly pulled your legs back around his waist. His hips movement becoming erratic and desperate.

He groan out your name as he came inside of you just as he said he would. His hips jerked as he continued to cum in you.

When he was spent, he didn’t pull out. Still hard he remained inside you.

“Steve, I can’t-”

“Sssh, I know I know.” He rolled over pulling you with him, staying inside of you.

A soft whimper escaped your lips as you sat up, feeling him shift inside you. He groaned and griped your hips.

He bent his knees behind you and you leaned back on them. He thrust upwards once, watching your breasts bounce with the movement brought a smile to his face.

You giggled softly at his actions. The sensations making you giddy from all the endorphins running through you.

He felt like a drug induced dream almost. You frowned slightly, what if he wasn’t real?

You bent down towards him and kissed him hard, running your fingers through his hair.

“Please don’t disappear on me,” you pleaded against his mouth.

He looked at you in shock.

“What are you talking about?“he sat up pushing you up with him.

"What if they find you? Or Bucky again? You’ll go off and I don’t want to come between you two but-”

He kissed you gently, his hand caressing your cheek.

“You are mine and I am yours.” he flexed his hips proving his point and causing you to let out a moan.

“Prove that I’m yours,” he goaded you as he laid back.

You smiled at him as you placed you hands on his chest, and started to move your hips back and forth. The groans he emitted empowered you to speed up your movements.

Even with your current speed it wasn’t enough for Steve. He started thrusting upwards, you gasped in shock, everything was still so tinder.

With his feet planted flat on the bed and knees bent he started thrusting up into with precision. One of his hands shot up to grip your neck gently and the other began rubbing your clit.

You started to squirm and moan on top of him. It overwhelmed you but you didn’t want it to stop.

He tightened his grip around your neck, you went almost limp letting your weight fall on it and he smiled.

“Someone likes to be choked?” His words were accusatory but his tone was pure desire.

You meekly nodded your head followed by a struggled moan as he quickened his pace on your clit.

“Please, please,” you hoarse out within his grip.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you that baby,” he started pounding into you from below.

“I can feel you tighten around me at the thought, I’ll give you my seed, but you have to be good.”

You immediately started cumming, pulsing around his cock as he continued his brutal pace.

“You really want it don’t you?” his hand left your clit to rub your lower abdomen.

“Do you feel me right there?” He pushed down and you flooded his lap cumming again. He groaned not expecting you to spasm around him again, he could take no more and with one final thrust he filled you again groaning out your name.

This time as the darkness began to swirl your vision it embraced you fully.

When you came to you first felt a warm damp feeling brushing over our inner thighs and groin. You slowly opened your eyes to see Steve still naked wiping you down with a warm wash cloth.

He looked up and smiled sheepishly when he saw you were awake.

“I may have treated you too roughly,” he admitted remorse clear in his voice.

“I’m sorry I lost control, after I kissed you the first time I could think of nothing but possessing you in every way possible.” He looked down as he continued to clean you.

“We can shower in a little bit once your energy is recouped.” He set the wash cloth on the bedside table and crawled up next to you and pulled you into his chest.

You curled up into him enjoying the rhythmic beat of his heart.

When you awoke again it was dark. Steve was walking about into the room, fully clothed and with food.

You smiled at him, sitting up in the bed causing the bed sheet that covered you to slip down. He hummed when he saw your chest.

You went to pull the sheet up but he spoke up “Don’t cover up, I love to see what is mine,” he growled.

“You better feed me before you start that up again.” He chuckled and sat the food down on the bed.

You two ate in silence, enjoying the food and each other’s company.

Once you were both finished it was time for a much needed shower. You wanted to shower together but that tiny bath tub proved to be ill accommodating to a super solider plus one.

You lay in the bed satisfied watching Steve put on his boxer briefs and get into bed with you.

“We’re heading to Wakanda tomorrow, any loose ends you need to tie up here before we go?”

You looked at him scandalously; did he just TELL you what you were doing?

“Steve, I have a few things may take a day or two-”

“Find a way to do it in one, our rendezvous is at 1900 hour tomorrow,” he looked at you with a stern gaze.

You went to voice your protest but before you could he shut it down.

“I’m not leaving you behind, I’m not asking either.” He laid back and pulled on top of his chest.

You huffed but cuddled up to him, nuzzling you face into his chest closing your eyes. A smile spread across your face. You wanted to be madder at him but demanding him to be at your side felt right. Maybe he needed to not be Captain America to become more Steve.


	2. You Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> n between missions you and your fellow former Avenger fugitives take a break to celebrate Steve’s 100th birthday in Wakanda. However Steve does not appreciate the growing friendship between you and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much just minimal plot to get to Smut. Thank you so much for all the likes and reblogs of part one. The overwhelming support from last week has been amazing! Truly cannot thank you all enough. The writing has definitely improved in this one as I get back in the groove of wiring. This one takes place before infinity war by idk a few months? Haha. Enjoy!

July 1st 2018

Steve was the last to board the Quinjet with the most recent mission completed, he ripped the com from his ear, his eyes on you until he walked past, clearly unhappy with you.

“Set a course for the safe house Sam,” Steve ordered patting Sam on the shoulder, Sam looked up giving a nod followed by “You got it Rogers,” and began course as instructed. You couldn’t help the frown that fell on your face, is that how he wanted you to act too? Steve turned to the back of the jet, his eyes narrowing in on you sitting in between Wanda and Natasha. The two of them were quietly talking trying to draw you into conversation in attempt to break the growing tension.

Steve practically stomped until he was in front of you, folding his arms over his stealth suit chest piece he looked down at you with increasing annoyance. Raising an eyebrow you waited for him to start in.

“How many time do I have to remind you that you can’t just go on your own? We are a team, we do this together or we don’t do it at all.” he forced an even tone. Natasha watching with a smirk, she often said the two of you were her best entertainment in between the missions. Wanda was rolling her eyes knowing he was over reacting because it was you while Sam continued watching the sky, he was less than thrilled at your behavior as well.

“I was the only one nearby and had I not intervened those civilians would have been dead.” You stood up placing your hand on your hips, the defiant stance not lost on his part, you could see his jaw clench and nostrils flare.

“They only got a few good hits in before the threat was dealt with, right?” His eyes were slits his hands balled into fists against his chest. It was clear his body language sending the red flag that you were one wrong step from a fight in front of the team.

“Next time communicate to _your team_ instead of putting yourself in a risky situation without an escape plan.” He gritted between his teeth turning away from you to lean over Sam as neared the safe house. He was trying hard to quell is temper in front of everyone but you knew this argument was far from over.

You didn’t want to fight with him again, but it felt like he didn’t trust your judgment lately. If any of the others had done what you did there would be no discussion outside of if they were okay after the dust settled. With you there was this underlining message ‘you’re reckless, a danger and unhelpful’ and it was hard not to fight back each time. You had been fighting for S.H.E.I.L.D. while he was still sleeping beauty, how dare he treat you like you were new to the battle front.

Taking a deep breath you tried to distract yourself by talking to Wanda and Natasha, missing the softening worried look Steve gave looking back at you.

\- 3 Days later -

You looked in the mirror trailing your fingers along the deep marks Steve left on your chest and up your neck that were clearly on display in the low dipped elegant dress you had on. It was Steve’s 100th birthday and T'Challa who had already kindly provided you all housing when you randomly visited in the past was also hosting the celebration.

“How am I going to cover these up?” Just as you spoke there was a knock at the door to the bedroom you shared with Steve.

Opening the door you saw Wanda and Natasha both dressed up for the celebration, their reaction clear when they saw the marks. Normally you were in your stealth suit that had a high collar or one of your many basic t-shirts that did a good job hiding them. Wanda gasped placing hand in front of her mouth and Natasha tried to unsuccessfully smoother a laugh. You huffed.

“You two going to just stare or give me some good concealer to cover this all up.” Natasha didn’t stifle her laughter this time.

“Come on lets cover up your ‘battle’ wounds” Natasha offered raising her eyebrows suggestively.

-

You were caught up chatting with Wanda and Natasha when people erupted in cheer at Steve entering the banquet hall with Bucky. The cheer brought large genuine smile to his face. Bucky placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder smiling as well, though he appeared a bit on edge, more than likely about the large crowd.

You slipped away from the main group, heading towards one of the bar areas set up around in the stylish banquet hall. Steve looked around for you and frowned when he saw you walking away, his brow furrowed noticing the startling lack of marks on your skin.

Continuing your way to the bar you couldn’t get over the kindness of T'Challa letting Steve celebrate his birthday here with his comrades and longest friend as well. You ordered your regular drink of choice and turned away from the bar, resting back on your elbows against the bar top. Your fellow outlaws were there along with some civilians Steve had befriended on their short stays in Wakanda.

You smiled softly, looking for the birthday boy. Seeing him chatting along with Natasha and random people made you happier. When his eyes found yours lingering on him he gave you a knowing look tapping at his neck. You felt nervousness take you over; you knew covering up the marks while the professional thing to do would not please him. The two of you still heated about the fight from last mission, you just wanted to look nice for his birthday.

His concentration on you broken as a new person came up to give him well wishes and chat. You quickly turned around downing your drink in attempts to calm your frazzled nerves.

As the celebrations began you found yourself at Steve’s side his arm wrapped around your waist keeping you folded into his side. You would look up at him from time to time a he conversed, amazed at seeing this side of him. It reminded you of the old Captain America friendly golden retriever demeanor he would have. Sometimes he would catch you looking at him and stare down at you, the telling darkness swirling in his ocean blue eyes bringing a shiver down your back. He pulled you flush to his chest the last time he caught you staring at him, his mouth against your ear you couldn’t help the fluttering in your stomach as his grip tightened around you.

“You keep looking at me like that and I’ll have to mark you in ways no make-up would be able to cover.” The next moment M'Baku walked up and Steve’s entire attitude shifted back, bringing you to his side once more, his grip loosened. You made an excuse to use the restroom and needing to calm yourself down from his words and touch.

When you were on your way back from the restroom you heard a hushed male voices and what sounded like your name coming from the men’s restroom. Quieting your steps you leaned against the wall, listening in you picked up it was Sam and Bucky having a very heated discussion.

“She doesn’t listen, and puts everyone at risk. I see it distracting Steve on missions. He can’t focus if she’s out there doing whatever she wants. He’ll scold her but then she does it again a few missions later,” Sam’s voice exasperated.

“From what Steve’s told me she was a S.H.E.I.L.D. operative for a long time. She may not be a soldier but-” Bucky was coming at your defense, not that you two were enemies but there wasn’t a solid connection between the two of you either, the luxury of time severally lacking in your life to make said connection.

“That’s just it! She’s not, she’s always been on her own or with the Avengers with all those extra powers to make up for her impulse control,” you felt a punch in your gut. So that was how he felt; you subconsciously chewed on your bottom lip, was it what Steve thought too?

“I’m telling you Sam this isn’t something to push Steve on. She is one of the best things that has happened to him.” Bucky’s words almost soothing the pain from Sam’s.

“She’s going to get herself killed or worse Steve killed when he tries to save her,” You caught yourself before the pained gasp escaped your lips, his words were like an ice grip in your chest.

“I’ll tell you one more time, coming from me, you have to listen Sam. The last time I saw Steve this at peace was back in 1936.” The year held significance to Steve’s life but you couldn’t find yourself able to recall anything too consumed in the pain this conversation was causing you. “If you push this I doubt you’ll like the outcome.” Bucky’s words heavy with warning and unknown consequences.

You heard Wanda call out your name, your eyes widening hoping the gentlemen in the restroom didn’t hear it but the unlocking of the men’s room told you otherwise.

“They’re bringing out the cake!” You speed walked to Wanda, not daring to see the men behind you walk back out in the main hall. You stopped yourself behind Steve, shakily taking his hand in yours not willing to move further into the fold of celebration. Steve squeezed your hand looking back at you. Forcing the best smile you could at him, his brow slightly creasing as he picked up something was not right. Before he could push the subject further they rolled out the cake.

“Happy Birthday dear Steven, happy birthday to you!” the small group sang together off key. Steve laughing, holding his chest at the large cake with 100 candles lit emitting heat even you felt standing behind him.

When he took a huge breath and blew out all 100 candles everyone cheered, Bucky coming up on his other side slapping Steve on the back making a comment about him being full of hot air.

You found yourself back at the bar ordering another drink not too longer afterwards, you downed it and ordered a double; the bartender eyeing you wearily as he made another. You began to drink the double in large gulps ignoring the burn when you heard a voice from behind you.

“You better watch out or you’ll be sloshed before you even get a piece of cake.” Bucky slid next to you at the bar.

You hmed non-committal while signaling the bartender for another round. When you went to reach for the new drink Bucky placed his hand over the drink looking down at you.

“Come on, don’t be stupid.” he looked at you knowingly. Oh he knew alright, knew you were a liability to Steve, knew you were not needed here, and knew you would only get everyone hurt.

“Shut up tin man,” you replied pulling your fourth drink of the night, third one in a row to yourself this time nursing instead of chugging it back.

He chuckled at you shaking his head lightly.

“I get the appeal, you know? You’ve got this fire in you that’s just begging to be tamed.” he muttered. Your eyes narrowed, how much had Steve shared with him about you?

You continued nursing your drink choosing silence as your strategy not trusting anything kind to leave your lips in your current state. Warm fuzziness began to crawl from the liquor in your belly to your head.

“You know he used to put news papers in his shoes to be taller? He was a scrawny little fucker,” You snickered, feeling yourself unwind at the image of pre-serum Steve filling his shows with news paper every morning. There was a part of him you longed to know more about, and this man, he knew him.

“But scrappy, he never said no to a fight, not caring if he’d win or not and let me tell you he rarely did win,” Bucky continued. The two of you started going back and forth with Steve stories as you kept drinking the comparing and contrasting the variable ways Steve would respond and the typical ways he would. You could feel the dark cloud lifting and your mood improving more and more.

“He can do this all day, right?” Bucky laughed as you mimicked Steve’s voice. You joined in placing your hand on his left shoulder but jerked away causing Bucky to still.

“I’m sorry-” he interrupted you. “It’s okay.” You nodded placing your hand back with slight trepidation. Neither of you noticing Steve’s twisted face watching the two of you through most of your interaction as he played good Birthday Boy talking with everyone.

“He can though, especially when protecting those he loves. Right?” He looked at you with a certain level of softness you hadn’t seen from him except when with Steve. There was so much history between the two of them how could you ever understand that relationship, did you even want to?

“What happened in 1936?” You hated how puny and needy you sounded asking. Looking at Bucky his face seemed to drop, as if he was far away in some memory.

“His mom passed, after that all he could think about was joining the military.” His voice was even toned but you could tell there was a lot unsaid there. You pulled your hand back from him, looking in your half filled glass trying hard to piece everything you were feeling together but the alcohol was making it hard to focus on any one of them for long.

You idly noticed the party had died down, you never got a piece of cake you couldn’t help the pout you gave, and it looked so good too. How long had the two of you been talking?

“About what Sam said-” but he never finished what he said instead Steve came over, wrapping an arm around your waist from behind, his hand protectively resting on your lower abdomen causing you to blush a deep scarlet at such an intimate touch in public.

“What is my best friend and best girl talking about?” His tone was less than pleased. You knew this tone and touch, he was jealous.

“You Steve,” you turned to face him smiling brightly trying to calm the storm building beneath him. You didn’t want to have this fight, not after everything that you’ve heard today. 

“Yeah man, what else do we have in common but you?” Bucky supported your claim.

Steve gave a curt nod, taking the truth but his grip did not relax around you.

Natasha sauntered up to the three of you. “The party is continuing elsewhere if you three would like to enjoy the evening instead of this intense but I’m sure thrilling staring competition.”

“I think I’ll join in,” Bucky was the first to speak, and then looked at Steve expectantly. “Birthday boy?”

Steve shook his head, “No I think we’re going to retire for the night, I am 100 after all. So are you Buck, don’t go too hard.” He winked at him.

“Let’s go home,” Steve commanded more than suggested to you and given how the drinks were mixing in your head you gave no protest, letting him drag you back but not before he hugged Bucky farewell and you waved to Natasha who wiggled her eyebrow suggestively with a wave.

-

It was eerily silent in the elevator as you two made your way up. You could still feel the effects of the alcohol causing you to sway. Your eyes caught Steve’s, you couldn’t help but smile at his rugged look, hair longer than you’d ever seen on him and a full beard you loved feeling against your skin. You pressed your body up against him; instinctively he wrapped his arms around your back, gently cupping your butt with one hand.

“Bucky is nice,” you muttered out randomly. Steve’s face was hard looking down at you his grip tightening, instantly regretting your words.

He pushed you against the wall of the elevator slamming both hands on each side of your head, the sound of the metal being hit with his strength nearly deafening. He sneered at you as you whimpered.

“I’m sure you’d know since you ignored me most the night to talk to him.” Bending his head down, eyes at your level this was somehow more intimidating and starting to piss you off. “It wasn’t his birthday party was it?” the condescending tone broke your resolve to night fight with him today.

The elevator stopped and you ducked out from under the cage of his arms making your way out, you turned your head slightly back to him, “Maybe if the birthday boy actually paid attention to me instead of using me as arm piece I wouldn’t had to find better company for the evening.” The snarl that followed had you making your way quickly to the front door, knowing he was hot on your tail after that comment.

You were past the front door and half way down the hall to the bedroom when you heard him slam the front door with a force that caused the wall to shake so much you could hear the rattling of wall decoration. You were thankful the others had continued to party into the night.

Just as your hand touched the bedroom door knob his hand was on top of yours stilling it, pushing his front up against your back until you were plastered to the door. His breath was heavy in your ear.

“If he was such good company why didn’t you go with him instead of me?”

“You didn’t give me a choice to do so, Captain.” You popped the p of the one word you hadn’t called him since Siberia. He was nearly frothing at the mouth in anger when he shoved the bedroom door open. You would have fallen face first if he hadn’t quickly picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder. He swatted your ass hard making his way into the connected bathroom. He sat you down on the counter and spread your legs apart pushing his pelvis directly against you, ensuring you could feel his growing arousal. Standing in-between your legs he began to wet a rag.

“What are you-”

“Shut up,” his tone was harsh enough to pull you from the alcohol haze.

“You wore this tantalizing dress showing so much of your irresistible skin but hiding the most beautiful part.” He began to wipe along your neck and chest. You swore you heard him purr while uncovering his love marks.

“Then you talk, laugh and _touch_ Bucky most of the night. Ignoring me.” He gripped you by the back of your neck jerking your head up to him. His lips ghosted over yours and an uncontrollable whimper left your lips as you tried to reach for his lips but he pulled your head back.

“Oh no no doll face. Do you think you can just kiss and make this better?” he taunted you. Annoyed at his denial and frustrated with his controlling you couldn’t help but feed the fire burning between you two. “Maybe I should go find Bucky, think he will kiss me?”

His eyes were nearly solid black, snarling at you he took you by the back of your neck and slammed you against the bathroom wall directly behind him. He bunched your dress up around your waist and when he went to pull your underwear off his eyes went wide then narrowed dangerously the lack of clothing. You face flushed hot at embarrassment and arousal of his behavior.

Without a word he began to run slow circles against your clit with his thumb and teasing your entrance with his pointer and middle fingers.

“Is that what you want?” His taunting tone making you struggle against him. He pushed his body flush against yours stilling your movement as his fingers dripped inside you.

“Want me to show you who you belong to?” He whispered in your ear and you closed you eyes at the wet noises emitting from his attention clearly giving away your desire.

“Did you forget you were mine?” thrusting his fingers inside you and increasing his pressure on your clit a soft moan escaped your lips.

“Oh your body knows who it belong to,” he chuckled at you, feeling the vibrations against your breasts. Steve’s beard rubbed against your neck in the most delightful way, you felt yourself whimpering and losing control to the sensations.

“Do you think anyone could make you feel this way doll face?” He pulled his hands from you and lifted your dress off your body, you raising your hands without any protest, too drunk on the feeling to fight his words or actions. He fell to his knees in front of you, pulling one leg over his shoulder you could hear him inhale deeply.

“No one knows what you truly need but me.” He raised one hand, rolling and pulling one of your nipples in between his fingers while interchanging to massaging the whole breast as well. Trailing his other hand along your inner thigh of raised leg, he smirked looking up at you, and the sinful way his blown pupils shined at you sent a shiver up your spine. “Only I can make you feel this way.”

With that he dipped his head down and lapped from the bottom of your entrance up to your clit where he began to gently suck whilst tracing patterns along it with the tip of his tongue, his beard rubbing against your thighs, you threw your head back gasping out his name thighs shaking at the utter intesnity.

He pulled your other leg over his shoulder with his free hand, purely supporting your weight on his shoulder; bringing the hand to your entrance he shoved three fingers in, and spreading them apart as much as he could.

You gripped his hair between your fingers, trying to pull his head up. He grunted against your force, trailing his hand from your breast to around your neck but applying no pressure. Your pulling stopped instead you began to pull his shirt up, once his bunched up enough you began to drag you fingernails into his back.

He chuckled against you at your instant compliancy, the vibrations causing whimpers and moans to fall from your mouth. As if rewarding your good behavior he started to thrust his fingers in and out of you roughly. Your moans rose in volume, you could feel the tightening in your abdomen; suddenly he stopped, pulling his head back you looked down at him in confusion.

“You’re gonna cum on my cock, because that’s where you belong.” He rose up to his feet, forcing you to stand up on weak knees. Desperate for his promised words you began to unbutton his checkered long sleeve shirt working to get it off in frenzy, while he undid his pants, pulling them and his briefs down in one movement. Your hands slid up his undershirt, bunching it at his chest and pulling off. Without missing a moment he hooked one of your legs around his waist, you held on to his shoulders as you wrapped the other leg around.

He held you at your waist pressing your back against the wall. He looked you in the eyes before smashing his lips against yours, devouring your mouth you moaned as your tongues met. He controlled your waist, rubbing your slit along his cock that stood up straight, flushed against his lower abdomen.

“Steve please,” You begged him; desperate to feel the release you knew he could give. He took your hand and placed it around the base of his cock.

“Show me where you belong doll face.” your eyes widened, and hesitantly you lined him up with your slick entrance. Using his grip on your waist he pulled you down onto him, you both groaned out in unison.

“You feel that? The way you stretch so perfectly around me,” painstakingly he moved you down until you were at the base.“Every time I think you will surely break.” He panted against your neck

He held your legs and began to thrust up into you, leisurely, enjoying the way you it felt as he pulled himself almost all the way out but loving it when he couldn’t control himself and quickly pushed all the way in.

“But you take it so well, you crave this cock. Don’t you?” his voice wavering at the pleasure.

“Yes,” You cried out, your head lulling to the side as the pace picked up. He groaned, burying his head in your neck he pounded into you. Panting so hard your hair moved with each breath out as he chased that release.

You whimpered out his name feeling yourself begin to fall of the precipice. He groaned your name back to you, his tempo increasing; you could feel the bruises you would have tomorrow on your lower back being pushed against the wall each time.

It didn’t matter though, none of it did except him, there between your legs, in your life, giving you life. You clung to him as you came around his pounding cock. His pace became erratic and you could feel him swelling inside of you.

He whispered your name, feeling him flood you.

-

When you finally opened your eyes that following morning Steve was laying fully dressed on his stomach arms folded under his head staring at you. He’s eyes brightened when you caught his gaze.

“Good morning,” his voice was soft and gentle causing you to avert your gaze at the feelings it brought you.

“Natasha and Sam have new intel for us, shower and we’ll meet to discuss,”

“Shower with me?” You offered with a sly smile.

“Oh doll face I would, but we both know it wouldn’t be just a shower. That why I took mine before you woke up.” you pouted at him rising to your feet.

“I can’t help myself when you’re wet and naked, it is too tempting.” Licking his lips as starred at you, his eyes lingering on your back side fighting the temptation. He swatted your ass and chuckled at your squeal.

You dried yourself off after a lonely shower feeling your thoughts wander back to last night at the party. Sam’s words only echoed what you had feared Steve felt recently. Numbly you made your way into the bedroom and got dressed, ignoring Steve as he watched your pensive face with growing concern.

“Let’s get going, we may have to ship out soon for this one from what Natasha was saying.” Steve trying to rush you teetering the line of not pushing too hard. He knew you like to take your time in the mornings.

“I shouldn’t go,” you spoke softly while pulling your shirt over your bra.

Steve stood up from the bed and pulled you to look at him; he pulled his his bottom lip between his teeth with worry at your words.

“It’s important to have the team together on these missions. You know that.”

“You don’t trust me so what does it matter?” He blinked slowly, his brain trying to shift gears given your statement and the levity of it.

“How could you even say that? I trust you with the most secret parts of myself, doll face.” his eyes moving around your face trying to get some kind of clue as to what was going on in that head of yours.

“Then why do you fight with me after almost every mission. Why is it always I’m wrong for doing the right thing just because it could or does get me hurt?” He sighed and pulled you into his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head. You could feel the tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

“Your independence scares me.” he pulled back a bit to look you in the eyes again, “If it was anyone else I would be fine with your quick thinking but it’s you,”

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. I couldn’t live without you.” he finished; you averted your gaze at the last statement. Making you uncomfortable to think his whole world hinged on you.

“Don’t say things like that,” he pulled your chin gently, encouraging you to look at him once more. “You get so mad at me and we keep fighting.”

“If it seems like I’m mad at you more than anything I’m mad at myself for letting you be in a situation where you have to make those choices.” He couldn’t blame himself, you shook your head.

“Steve it’s our line of work. That cannot be helped,” you tried to reason with him. He held your face between both his hands, fingers splayed across your face.

“You mean everything to me, you and Buck are it. I will always worry and watch over you. Nothing will change that.“ His words were warm but firm with a resolve you knew you couldn’t break.

“Okay, Okay. I get it. I just,” you paused “Try to see things my way before you get mad next time?” His face lit up with a bright smile at your acceptance, kissing you gently conveying his love through such a tender moment.

He pulled away. “I make no promises.”


	3. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre-Infinity War you hear about Tony and Pepper’s engagement and want to see them regardless of the risk. When you come back Steve is less than thrilled at your behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is smutty and with some plot, minimal plot. Smut stuff. I have two more parts of this to go and its done. The next one gets darker than rest just ya know heads up. Without further ado enjoy my mediocre smut offering to my deepest fantasy that is Dark!Steve Rogers.

Steve had one hand pining you wrists against the soft grass below you both while the other hand was around your neck tightly as you arched your chest up towards him as an offering. The dark look in his eyes as he smirked at you sent shivers down your spine.

“Do you want to cum?” You nodded your head with limited movement from his grip.

“Too bad,” He began thrusting into you with the same ferocity you had become accustomed to; you could admit it now that you craved him like this.

He was mad at you, actually livid was better word to describe how he felt. You left him after finishing a mission with him and your fellow outlaws. You were only gone for 3 days but the risk you put yourself at is what had him madder than anything.

-2 Days Before-

“You look worse for wear,” Pepper’s voice full of worry holding your hand in hers.

“I know, we’ve-I’ve been busy,” you tried to cover your tracks, knowing Stark wouldn’t want to hear any word about the others.

“So why are you here? Going to try and undo two years of your complete and utter abandonment,” Stark’s tone was harsh but you knew it was a front to hide how much he missed you.

“I heard the news, I wanted to see you two in person. I saw both of you were going to be away from the usual entourage-”

“How long have you been tracking F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s system? And why didn’t she tell me anything?”

“Tony come on, she’s here. Let’s celebrate together, that’s what you said you wanted. Remember, to celebrate with ALL your friends and family?” He tried to look mad at Pepper but couldn’t; he sighed and went to the wet bar grabbing three glasses and a bottle of Don Perignon.

As he poured you squeezed Pepper’s left hand feeling the big rock on her finger. Smiling brightly at her you couldn’t help yourself at the joy that overcame you. How could you not see them in person after such big news?

“Spared no expense huh Tony?” you commented grabbing the glass he offered you.

He hmed in reply as Pepper took the last glass you all three raised them together.

“To you Pepper and Tony, may it be a marriage full of minimal surprises and many children with more Pepper in them than Tony.” Tony smiled at you for the first time since you showed up at their resort door.

“Here, here!” Pepper cheered as you all clinked glasses and took a drink.

It wasn’t until the bottle was empty that Tony finally asked you what you knew he wanted to all along.

“How are they?” He looked like a scared child, afraid of the answer.

“Good, they’re good Tony.” You could see his shoulders visibly relax, “We have a safe haven and many safe houses as we fight bad guys.” Tony snorted at that last part.

“We were never the bad guys Tony, we just didn’t want to fall to the new world order.” You tried to remind him.

“Tell Nat we loved her present! Pretty easy to tell it was her given the short note” Pepper interjected trying to bring the mood back up. Tony stood up going to the wet bar no doubt to grab Scotch of some kind.

“I had no idea she sent you guys anything,” you were genuinely shocked. No one mentioned the engagement outside of the argument you had with Steve before leaving against his wishes while he slept. You could feel the shadow fall over you as you worried how he would react when you got back.

“Does he know you came here?” He won’t say his name as he sat a glass of Scotch in front of you to match his own.

You quickly picked up the glass and took a big gulp before looking back at him. “Yes, and he was less than thrilled.”

“He’ll get over it; he was always so moody when you weren’t around.” He scrunched his nose up as if recalling a particular memory.

You stayed late into the evening, laughing and enjoying your time with the both. Pretending the truth wasn’t just outside the door with the real world.

You stood up “Well this fugitive better use the guise of night to make it back to my fellow outlaws,” you joked but stumbled in your footing. Perhaps you had too much Scotch.

“You can’t leave like this, why don’t you rest for a bit and then leave in the early morning.” Pepper suggested as she stood up with you to make sure you didn’t fall over. It was Tony who left the room to grab a pillow and blanket.

“Get some shut eye on the couch kid. We won’t let anyone in until you’re gone,” his tone was non-negotiable. You nodded you head numbly; he hadn’t called you kid in a while.

When you awoke a few hours later you peaked outside the window, it was still late enough that the sun wasn’t up but early enough that the sky was getting lighter on the horizon. Now was better a time than any to get back to Steve. Worrying your bottom lip you watched the outside for any activity, this would certainly add a day to your travel if Steve wasn’t already upset with you he’ll certainly be livid when you got back a day later than expected.

You were folding up the blanket and placing it on the pillow provided to you when you heard the bedroom door quietly open and close. Tony walked up to you and pulled you into a hug unexpectedly.

“It’s good to see you,” he muttered in a sleepy voice. You nodded cautiously wrapping your arms around him.

“Tell that rag-tag group…” Tony stopped talking and started to pull away but you put your hand on his shoulder.

“I wish there was another way.” He shrugged your hand off his shoulder.

“We all did what we thought was the right thing to do. Now we all have to live with the consequences.” His words full of regret and anger over everything that transpired between the Avengers. 

-Present-

Steve’s grip on your throat tightened, constricting your air flow your eyes bulging as you looked into his deep blue eyes barely visible by the dark blown pupils.

“Focus on me doll face,” He kissed you lips gently almost reverently as he slowed his pace. He seemed to be savoring the feel of you with each slow thrust back in to your heat.

“You always feel so good, even when you behave badly,” his growled out.

“Do you know how scared I was?” He punctuated each word with an increasing thrust of his hips. You gasped as he slammed against the opening of your cervix at the last push.

He stayed still inside you, letting go of your wrists and neck he gripped the sides of you face tightly. His hands almost bigger than your face. It felt as though he was staring straight into your soul, the fear in his eyes hiding behind the growing darkness.

You pushed your hand against his chest trying to move him off, you wanted to talk about this but Steve had different ways of talking to you nowadays.

“I-” your words cut short into a cry as he started thrusting into you at his grueling pace. Bringing you closer to the edge. Just as he felt you start to contract around his cock he pulled out.

“I said no,” he sat up on his knees, his cock slick he stroked himself a few times looking down at you with a hunger that drew a moan from you.

Suddenly he put both his hands under your arms and as he stood up he brought you to your knees on the plush Wakanda grass. You looked up at him, the dusk light giving his heaving chest an ethereal glow, his hair the longest you’ve ever seen it was half pushed back, half in front of his face.

He held your chin as he caressed your lips with his thumb. Catching his thumb in between your lips you began to suck on hit gently, wrapping your tongue around.

“So lewd,” he muttered under his breath and removed his thumb from your mouth.

Placing one hand on the back of your head and the other around the base of his cock he smiled down at you.

“Say ah,” you kept your mouth closed and glare up at him. As much as you’d love to reunite with this passion you wanted to use your actual words. He scowled back at you and gripped your chin with the hand that was on your head, “Open up or you’ll regret it,” he threatened.

You resisted and not to be denied he began to put pressure on your chin pulling it down, you complied opening your mouth and he pulled your head down his cock until your lips met his fingers still holding himself at the base.

You controlled your breathing as you felt him move down your throat, you made sure to keep swallowing and suck as much as you could. Every time he would use your mouth it made you burn with desire. Knowing you could make him feel this way, loss control completely to you.

He loosened his grip on your head and you took the lead, slowly pulling your head back with only the head of his cock between your lips, you gently sucked while running your tongue along the ridge. He groaned loudly and placing his hands on each side of your head slightly angling your head up to him.

“You better stop teasing me doll,” he looked down at you with a meaningful stare. You nodded with the tip still in your mouth.

You gripped his ass cheeks and began to work your way down his cock, sucking and moving your tongue along him as more and more went down your throat.

Once your nose touched the light blonde pubic hair you gently shook your head back and forth constricting and releasing your throat muscles around him. As you went to move your head back his hands stilled you in place.

“Only good girls get to breath,” his words made you moan around his cock and you could feel yourself getting wetter. He knew exactly what to say.

He kept you there, looking down at you, small grunts escaping his mouth as he felt your throat muscles start to convulse around him as you struggled at lack of oxygen.

When he released your head you pulled back quickly leaving his cock covered in your saliva and a trial ran from the tip to your open mouth as you panted.

Steve chuckled and then pulled you back towards him as he thrust into your mouth slowly back and forth. He grunted as he held you head still and began thrusting himself in and out of your throat.

You knew it would hurt later but you didn’t care, watching his face for the pure look of pleasure cause a moan to escaper around his cock.

“You sure do love having that pretty mouth fucked,” he got out between grunts before the pace picked up speed and suddenly he was holding you down to the base of his cock. He threw his head back moaning loudly as you felt his cum rush down your throat and his hips bucking erratically. You loved seeing his muscles stretch along his chest and up his neck, that one vein pulsing.

“Oh for fuck’s sake man, right behind my shack?!” you heard Bucky from behind you and screeched as Steve pulled himself from your mouth and you curled into yourself trying to cover up.

“Turn around!” Steve yelled at Bucky who quickly did so with his one hand up in the air.

“Alright alright, if you didn’t want her to be seen maybe not do it out in the open,” Bucky did make a point but you were too busy looking for your clothes.

You punched Steve in the shoulder when you held up your torn shirt in front of him. Using the once nice shirt to wipe your mouth clean then handing it to Steve to use for clean up as well.

“Now what am I supposed to wear? I’m not walking back to the city in just a bra,” Steve chuckled and handed you his shirt. He declined cleaning up and gave you a wicked smirk as he placed his rather messy cock back in his boxer briefs.

“Casualty of pure desire and your piss poor behavior I’m afraid,” you glared at him as you both continued to dress in a hurry.

“I’m still here and I am thoroughly upset by this conversation,” Bucky interjected.

“Oh fuck off” you grumbled as you pulled the giant shirt over your head. It would be pretty clear to everyone what you two were up to especially the grass stains on the shirt. You know Steve didn’t care about what random people inferred; after all he loved leaving his mark all over your neck and chest.

“You’re just mad you didn’t get yours,” Bucky bit back and you gasped. He wasn’t wrong but still!

“Bucky,” Steve warned, and then looked at you apologetically. You knew he’d take care of you but it did little to help the current ache between your legs.

Once your last shoe was tied up you walked past Steve and Bucky wanting to get to the city as quick as possible.

“Glad to see you’re back safe!” Bucky called out knowing he was purposely touching a soft spot. Bucky let out an ‘oof’ as Steve elbowed him in the rib.

“Stop antagonizing her Buck,” Steve frowned at him as he took the same arm and hugged him.

“I’m not apologizing, you were worried about her. It’s only fair to give her shit.” he retorted. Steve sighed and went to chase after you.

Bucky hollered for Steve to wait for him and the two of them walked closely behind you chatting away.

You huffed as you stepped into the bustling city. Quickly you caught a ride to the house were rest of your group were. Steve and Bucky joined you; making an already tight ride even tighter squished in between two super soldiers going on about something you had no desire to pay attention to.

You drifted off thinking about Tony and the past two years. It hurt not being with your dear friend constantly, but knowing he was non-combatant gave you a little peace of mind.

You looked up at Steve seeing his animated face as he chatted away with Bucky. Once Shuri was able to reverse Hydra’s brainwashing Bucky began living in the outskirts of the city enjoying the peace and quiet over the constant stimulation the city gave. However when you all found your way back to Wakanda after a mission when possible and the two old super soldiers were inspirable.

Honestly it made you happy to see Steve feel so at peace and connected to his old life. It was important to you that he remembers who he was before he became Captain America. You slid your hand into his and squeezed his hand; he looked down at you and smiled placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

Even with all that there was still a roughness growing around Steve. You weren’t sure if it was the struggle of living this outlaw life wearing down him more than you.

If you were honest it was even getting to Sam. You, Nat and Wanda had the easier time of adjusting. This was not a new concept for you three but Sam and Steve were soldiers. Not that they didn’t know their own struggles with a soldiers life, this was just a new one to add on to the ever growing list.

Sam missed group therapy and Steve missed it too, but he wouldn’t admit it as freely. Sam and you the only ones who knew he was going to group meetings before the Accords happened.

Maybe that was also contributing to this change in him. Your thoughts were broken as Steve called your name.

“You in there?” Steve brought the back of your hand to his lips trying to get your attention.

“Oh sorry, what was that?” You looked up at him trying to clear the haze.

“Buck and I were going to watch an old movie. Did you want to join us?” You shook your head.

“No, I think I’m going to lie down. Last 3 days have been kind of rough.” He gave you a hard look as if trying to will you to tell him why.

“We’ll talk later,” you reassured him as the vehicle came to a stop. Steve got out first, holding his hand out for you to take. After he helped you out you went to pull you hand back but he held it tight. You looked up at him.

His face was constricted as if he wanted to kiss you but both of you weren’t big into PDA and it was rather public in the center of the city. Instead you led him by the hand into the large multi-family building and headed to the floor you all remained on together. Bucky following behind staying silent, keeping his head down trying to mute out the noise of the city.

Once in the elevator Steve held you close to him, you wrapped your arms around him holding tight, resting your ear against his chest listening to his heart.

Bucky hit the floor number and looked at Steve giving him a knowing smile. You rolled your eyes and turned your head the other way.

Steve gripped your chin pulling you to look at him. His smile was soft and loving down at you; it caused you to swallow hard. When he looked at you like this you could feel yourself turning into mush. He caressed you check with the back of his fingers, his touch seemed awed as if worshiping of you.

The elevator dinged and all 3 of you entered the floor suit. You like that everyone stayed together, reminding you of the Stark Tower and compound days, but also to be able to watch each other’s back. “Protection in numbers” you could hear Steve say. The exact reason you leaving on your own upset him so much.

“I’ll meet you in the media room Bucky,” Steve called out as he followed behind you to your shared room.

The moment the door to your room shut Steve had you back in his arms. Nipping at each side of your chin, kissing the corners of your mouth before he finally captured your lips. Soft kisses turned passionate fast, his tongue running along your lips. You opened your mouth, your tongues meeting together causing him to sigh and his body relax. You ran your fingers through his long hair as you felt the desire from earlier begin to build back up.

Reluctantly you pulled your lips from his. “You better scurry or Bucky is going to come looking for you,” he pressed his lips against yours again as if ignoring what you said.

He pulled away standing up straight and slowly slid his arms from around you, feeling ever part of you he could, finally resting his hands on your ass with a gentle squeeze.

“Rogers,” you giggled out. He smiled down at you and kissed your nose.

“Get some rest doll face; I’ll try not to wake you when I come back.” You knew there was a good chance he’d purposely wake you up to hear you call out his name in ecstasy and you couldn’t wait.

-

You woke up, feeling for Steve beside you but he wasn’t there. A little upset by this you looked at the clock. It had been 5 hours? What movie were they watching?!

You huffed but tried to calm yourself down. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but you were getting a little desperate for release as you started to wake up more.

Grumbling you got up to run a warm bath. Once fully submerged in the huge garden tub you let out a pleased sigh.

You tapped the wall next to the tub and a control screen came up through it you dimmed the lights and selected some soft R&B to play. You relaxed as you lay back in the tub.

This certainly beat running city to city on your own. Remembering the night in Morocco, it was you first introduction to this raw, passion ridden Steve. Since then it only escalated, he was demanding but generous, possessive and unyielding.

You moaned softly, the humid warm air the bath leaving a thin layer of perspiration on your face. He possessed your body, mind and heart. He scared you often with his desire but found that with your fear came a line of desire and while you may protest you didn’t really want him to stop. Even if you tried you knew it was useless he took what he wanted. The thought sent shivers own your spine as though you weren’t in warm water.

Your hand trailed around your neck as you imagined the time he chocked you so hard you passed out waking up moments later to him still pounding away; only difference his hands on your breast instead of around your neck. He was in tuned with your body, knowing what you could and couldn’t take, but you tried to take all he offered.

You close your eyes rolling your nipple between your fingers as your other hand moved to cup your sex, or pussy as he loved to call it. You moaned softly as if you could hear him say it. Rubbing your clit slowly you rolled your head back. The sound of the water sloshing against the side of the tub as your movements increased. Small whimpers escaped your lips, it felt good but it didn’t feel like him. Nothing compared to the way he played your body, with the same finesse he had with a shield. Lost in your thoughts of him your whimpers raised in volume.

“What do you think you’re doing?” His voice was stern and right by your ear. Your eyes snap open looking directly at him, too frightened to make a noise.

“That’s _mine_,” he growled. His pupils were blown and brow scrunched up. Your tongue suddenly felt thick in your mouth you swallowed to try and clear the feeling.

“I’m sorry, I-” before you could finish he was in the bathtub with you, still clothed. You could hear the water spilling over the lip of the tub, coating the bathroom floor if you weren’t so concerned about the look in his eyes you’d complain about the mess.

He ripped your hand from between your legs replacing it with his palm pressing against your clit and diving three of his fingers deep into you. His other hand slammed against the tile next your head you could feel the air push at the force of his movement, a distinct crack echoed in the bathroom.

His pressure was punishing. You arched your back out, head rolling against the wall as you cried from the sensation. The only response was an increase in his pace. He made move as if he would kiss you but instead began biting and sucking along your neck and down your chest until he captured a nipple between his teeth, rolling and sucking.

His pace not wavering as he pushed you to the point of breaking, your volume rising as you felt yourself tipping he completely still his hand. You whimpered out at the third time he’d stopped your pleasure today. He kissed his way back up your neck. Rubbing his beard against the agitated skin.

“Say it,” the heat of his breath burned against your neck at the demand.

“I’m sorry,” his bite was harsh on your neck, making you gasp out in pain. What did he want to hear?! You tried to search through the pleasure haze.

“Come on doll face, you know what you need to say,” his tone was softer this time, as he kissed up your neck pausing at your ear.

“Say it,” he pressed down on your pussy, causing you to push your body flush against his chest.

“I’m yours,” It came out of your mouth before you even thought of it, it was the truest thing.

He chuckled at the desperation in your voice and showed you mercy, shoving his fingers back in you and continuing the pace he had set before stopping so abruptly.

You could feel the pressure move through your core and up your spine. He knew your body better than you did.

“That’s it doll face, let go.” his voice strained against your neck.

Your hands gripped his head tightly, weaving fingers through his hair you began to pull on it as the pleasure became too much. The pressure of his palm against your clit and the frantic thrusting of his fingers.

The coil you felt so tightly busted and a uncontrollable cry came out. Your legs quaking with the intensity of your orgasm.

A soft chuckle was the first thing you heard as you came back down.

“Quiet the mess we made,” he chuckled again as he stood up in the bathtub.

You wanted to retort that it was his mess but thought better of it. He set the tub to drain and stepped out, pulling his soaked clothes off.

Once he was undressed he turned to you offering his hand. You admired his naked body before reaching for his hand.

He smirked at you, purposely flexing. Grabbing your hand he pulled you from the tub to right up against his body and in his embrace. His strong arms wrapping completely around you as you placed both your hands against his chest and resting your face against him. A content sigh fell from your lips as you listened to his heart beat. You swayed together to the melody still playing from your selected music earlier.

These little moments between the missions, the others demands of you, the fighting, fear of being spotted and taken in, these were the moments you found yourself grounded. You looked up and saw him staring down at you already. A shy smile spread across your lips.

“I love you,” his eyes softened at you words. It was rarely said but neither of you doubted it was there.

“I love you too,” his head dipped down, you rising to your tip toes to meet up for a soft kiss. Almost feather like touches. He pulled a towel from its rack and began to dry you, his movements soft and slow. It felt like he was trying to lull you with his gentle touches. Once you were dry you grabbed the other towel and paid him similar attention.

You set both towels next to the pile of his wet clothes. You decide it would be tomorrow’s problem as Steve pulled you to the bedroom and onto the bed, pulling you back into his chest. Expecting him to begin your nightly routine of mind blowing sex you were caught off guard when he spoke instead.

“I was scared you wouldn’t make it back,” you frowned at him.

“Do you think I’m that bad at staying under the radar,” he wouldn’t look down at you as he spoke again but his arms tightened around you almost uncomfortably so.

“You were gone a day longer than your note said. A note I did _not_ appreciate finding in our bed where you should have been.” you felt a constriction in your chest. You knew it was wrong what you did, you should have found a way to see Tony and Pepper with Steve’s help but you made it back fine on your own.

“It was just Tony and Pepper, I made sure I looked in F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s back door to see his schedule and the planned entourage for the trip. I wasn’t going to make contact unless I knew it would be safe,”

“What if Tony had turned you in?” your look turned to incredulous as you pulled away from his embrace.

“Do you honestly think he would have done that?” Steve sighed and shook his head.

“I know he wouldn’t but you can’t leave me like that, leave us like that. It’s not how it used to be,” a bitter laugh bubbled from your throat.

“Oh believe me no one knows better than I that it’s not like it used to be,” he looked at you in pain, not liking what you were implying and you instantly regretted saying it.

“Steve I didn’t mean to say-”

“I think you meant exactly what you said,” he placed a hand on your face, fingers splayed across your cheek. “I know you’ve been patience with me while I process through this new life style, this new me.”

You turned your head slightly to kiss his palm. His eyes softened once more, the deep blue showing that vulnerability, like he’d just break with a few ill placed words.

“I’m yours, you know that right? I’ve invested myself in us, committed until the end. I just want to love you.” You tried to use the right words to express yourself.

He smiled down at you, knowing you were trying so hard.

“Just as you are mine, I’m yours. I want to know you’re safe, secure and protected. It’s important to me,” He stressed the last part.

“I can’t be safe all the time, not in our line of work,” he sighed knowing the truth in your words, sometimes he long for a normal life one where he could rest easy knowing you were safe each day.

“Just try to wait for me next time you want to meet with someone who could turn you in.” He conceded, pulling you back against him, tucking your head under his.

“I suppose that’s reasonable,” you muttered into his chest and he chuckled softly.

“That’s my girl.”

You nuzzled into him, taking this moment and committing it to memory; neither of you aware of how much more your lives were going to change in the coming weeks.


	4. A Habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five months since Thanos snapped his fingers you and Steve find yourselves at a cross road. Can you two find your way back to each other or is the pain of everything too much to take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UUh not sure what to say this time, shit gets real dark guys. Feedback always welcomed. Enjoy!

The plan had been made, find Thanos, take the stones and bring everyone back but it didn’t go according to anyone’s plan. Thor left with his people as they settled New Asgard, Tony on a lake preparing for fatherhood, and the rest of you trying to find a sense of normalcy by going back to the compound, doing whatever any of you could outside of the one thing that was needed.

You turned to you side, the Egyptian sheets on the bed a welcomed luxury, facing Steve’s back the muscles tensing and relaxing sporadically giving away that he was awake. You watched his muscles dance while the same words repeating over and over in your head from the space ship months ago.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do if it doesn’t.”

You were both left with people you didn’t know anymore. The space between the two of you full of failure, loss and uncertainty. You went to reach for him but paused, the distance kept growing, both of you hurting but unsure how to piece each other back together, unsure it was even do able. He hadn’t kissed let alone touched you since it happened. Yet you both slept in the same bed, held shallow conversations, neither of you trying to push the other, afraid it’d all break. You were both so desperate for the habit you brought each other. You couldn’t live this way anymore though; either you broke and fell apart or you broke and built each other back up.

Without thinking it over much further you place your hand on his shoulder pulling him gently towards you. Within moments he was over you, with the offending wrist in his hand above your head, the forearm of his other arm pressed against your larynx. He his eyes wide but there was an unsettling vacancy in his eyes.

“St-Steve,” you gasped using you free hand to slap his forearm. The pressure on your larynx increased and you began to truly panic, your legs flailing on attempt to buck him off. This brought him back, he moved to his knees looking down at his hands in disgust.

“Steve,” your voice scratchy from the pressure, you slid your hands into his large palms. His head snapping up to look at you but he never wrapped his hands around yours. You went to entwine your fingers with his, so desperate to feel close to him. He pulled away and stood up from the bed, heading towards the door.

“Steven Grant Rogers do not leave me.” You tried to sound stern but it came out more of a desperate plea. His body stilled facing the door, silence reigned between you for far longer than you liked.

“I can’t,” his voice was gruff from disuse “I can’t fight anymore.” You felt your heart break at his words. You moved to stand behind him embracing him, pushing the side of your face into his back.

“You don’t have to fight,” you felt him turn in your embrace but you wouldn’t look up, you couldn’t see the look on his face. Burrowing your face into his chest this time you held him, unwilling to just let him walk away without talking.

He called your name out so gentle it was almost like a prayer. You shook your head not wanting to look up, but he called your name once more, taking a hold of your chin lifting your face up. You tried to blink away the tears threatening to spill unsuccessfully.

“I love you Steve, I need you. I need you to touch me. I need you to _love_ me.” You were willing to let it break but you believed in all your heart you would build each other back up. He just had to know there was still something left to feel, something left to get up for.

His face contorted and the look his face took on made you increasingly uncomfortable, sliding your arms out from around him placing them at your side. It was predatory look that held no kindness, you took a few steps back, and he mimicked each one towering over you. There was malice and pain etched in that furrowed brow.

“You need me to touch you?” He sneered gripping your throat, titling your face up to him at a drastic angle, his head bent down to keep direct eye contact watching his pupils widen and the blue recede.

“You want me to love you?” his lips pressed against yours unyielding. He bit your lower lip using your gasp to his advantage shoving his tongue in your mouth. Taking command of you with every touch and swipe of his tongue, his aggressive touch awaking something within you as you dug your nails into his arms. His eye stayed open looking at you with a level of desire and intensity you couldn’t handle closing yours eyes you shivered. 

“Let me show you how I can love you,” he shoved you onto the bed eliciting a gasp from you when he pulled you legs apart and held your hands at the side of your head.

You became increasingly aware at your lack of clothing, his hardening cock in his pajama pants pressing against your underwear while your night shirt rode up your stomach. He returned to kissing you roughly pinned beneath him, you attempted to soften the kisses wanting to break though this rough exterior.

He growled at your efforts and ripped your shirt from the collar down for punishment. Your look of surprise was met with a devious smirk, both of his hands griping you exposed breasts roughly. Pulling and pinching your nipples, he continued his assault of your senses, biting at your neck harder than ever before. You were expecting to taste blood when he took your lips once more. Unwilling to be a bystander and letting this continue you slapped him, the force enough to pull his lips from yours, a red mark blooming on the offended cheek. The breath he heaved out was gurgling, his hands stilled on your breast and you began to panic.

He sat up between your legs and pulled your torn shirt off you, he ripped it completely in half. He took both your hands and placed your arms behind your back causing you to lie on your bent arms, using half of the tattered shirt he wrapped it around each wrist and tightened it with a well made military knot. Pulling on the fabric he grinned down at you satisfied with his work. “That should keep those hands to yourself.”

Without another word he flipped you onto your stomach and pulled you up to your knees at the same time, leaving you face down in the bed, completely exposed to him. You turned your head to the side, struggling against the bonds earning you a hard slap on the ass stilling you at the sting. He jerked your underwear down your legs, stopping at your knees. You heard clothing rustle behind followed by the warmth from the tip of his cock prodding your entrance. “You’re scaring me, please stop.” 

A dark chuckle fell from his lips “Oh, now you want me to stop?” he replied while dragging the head of his cock up and down your slit; pressing against your clit then dipping down to your unprepared opening but going in no further.

“I thought you wanted me to love you?” He trails the head back up to your clit, circling around arousing you despite your fear. Your body on auto pilot; only knowing to respond to his touch with arousal despite your growing fear.

“Make up your mind, doll face,” the normal term of endearment full of sarcasm and dark intentions. He continued rubbing your clit with the head of his cock, causing an unwanted moan to pull from your lips. You couldn’t control yourself; he chuckled once more at your response.

You wanted to tell him no, you wanted to plead with him that this was your fault for pushing him and he could stop before. Your words failed you. He moved the head of his cock back at your entrance spurring you to struggle again, rocking your body side to side in attempts to delay him. He took one hand and gripped the back of your neck, the other held the make shift rope around your wrists pulling your arms up to almost painful stretch stilling your movements.

“This is all I can give you but you,” his voice was deceivingly soft and you squeeze your eyes shut trying to will this whole mistake away. He began sliding in and it burned the little arousal he gave not enough to prepare you for his size. “You will give me everything.” he pushed the rest of the way in without any pause pulling a cry of pain from your lips.

Your body went slack, only being held up by his grip. He let out a hiss as he slowly pulled back. “You’re so tight,” he gritted his teeth, and then slid back in faster provoking a moan from your lips. Despite the pain, the feeling of him inside you always felt so good, that stretching and sense of full that he gave you.

He removed his grip on the back of your neck, you could hear him lick his fingers then felt them on your clit with soft gentle movements at first as he slid in and out at a slow pace. You lifted your head up moaning out, all your weight bearing down on your shoulders and knees. He chuckled deep in his gut and used your tied hands to pull you back and forth faster your growing arousal easing the movement. The sound of your skin slapping against one another increasing in tempo, he quickened his ministrations on your clit causing the pressure to build up faster than you anticipated.

He leaned over your body, caging you beneath him, his other hand letting go of your tied hands to support his weight on his bent elbow. He slammed into you so rough, the pace unforgiving and force punishing. It was suffocating, in a way you had never felt with his hand around your neck. He was taking possession of you, commanding your body out of desperation instead of love and you would give it to him, give him everything just as he demanded.

Before you knew was happening you felt the snap, crying out in pleasure into the mattress, you could faintly hear him talking to you as his pace became erratic. You could feel that telling sensation of him swelling inside of you. Both of you chasing a feeling that felt foreign now. His cum rushing into you pushed a whimper past your lips, the feeling of it leaking down your thighs as he flooded you a welcoming familiar sensation.

Steve sat back up on his knees, remaining inside you, still hard, the lack of intimacy between the two of you leaving him ready once more. You whimpered this time in fear instead of pleasure. You weren’t sure you could take the brutality again. Without a word he laid you both on your sides, pushing your back and tied arms against his chest, never leaving your tight heat. You whimpered as the pain radiated in your arms, you wanted to ask him to untie you but he hushed you and quickly untied your arms. The release of your muscles in that uncomfortable position ached relentlessly. 

You pulled your arms in front of you trying to soothe the ache around your wrists by rubbing them. He gave you this moment so he could pulled your underwear completely off your legs. You tried to curl into yourself but he quickly slinked his arm underneath you and around your neck keeping the pressure gently but pulling your head up. His other hand took your top leg and brought it backwards to wrap around his thigh, giving him the advantage to piston into you once again, the force still rough but with a languid pace.

The slow pace was dragging you into sensory overload, your body trying to come down but he sought to keep the pleasure coursing through you. Not willing to fight the pleasure any longer, as it was inevitable you grinded back into him, his breath hot on your face as he groaned out your name.

“That’s it,” he murmured into your hair, rubbing his face into you inhaling your scent deeply as his thrusts jarred your body, his hand on your neck keeping you in place. You closed your eyes tightly, chasing the growing feeling inside you; you didn’t care anymore if he didn’t want you, if he didn’t love you. You were his. Reaching a hand back you gripped the back of his head pulling his hair. He growled and returned to his punishing pace. You began to slam your hips back into his and he surged forward each time. You knew you were moaning too loud by now, too far gone and hurt to care you pulled at his hair more, trying to will him to give you what you needed. You didn’t know where you would land once this was over but one thing was certain, you finally found out what Steve would do if he failed to bring everyone back.

The grip around your neck tightened and he began to rub your clit, pulling you from your thoughts back to him. It was always him. You cried out around his hold, his attention wearing your body down and keying it up all at once. You could feel his grin against your head, his brutal stride continuing to batter and satisfy you all at once.

You felt the coil snap inside; you couldn’t and didn’t care to stop the scream that tore from your lips at its intensity. This felt better than anything in the past five months. You convulsed and his grip around your neck lessened, Steve continued his pace as he neared his own end. He was whispering something over and over; you could barely make out his words as you slowly came down.

“I love you, I love you,” he was chanting it into your hair only to stop and pull you back into him with his hand while thrusting into you one final time, he flooded you once more. You let go of your hold on his hair and began to gently pat his head. He convulsed around you this time, softening inside you but not pulling out. When he curled up he pulled you deeper into him enfolding you around his arms. The warmth of his body and the exhaustion setting in lulled you to sleep quickly as he kept murmuring the same words into your hair.

-

Staring in the distance of thick forest beyond the compound your arms wrapped around yourself trying to fight off the dusk chill setting in. You didn’t know how long you had been sitting on the bench in front of the lake staring off into the distance. All you knew was you couldn’t go back to that room.

There had been that growing darkness in him since Siberia. His touches rough, trying to imprint something on you, there had been that desire to impregnate you for a while which brought on a hard pill to swallow when you both learned your chances to conceive were slim. He had continued though, convinced he could do the impossible. You had worried back then he was trying to use a child as a tool to keep you by him always after he lost himself following the Accords fall out. He anchored who he was on you, and if you weren’t his or him yours who was he, who were you for that matter? Bucky being around had helped but he was gone, so many of them were gone.

You sneered as you realized you got what you wanted, you two certainly broke.

You heard foot steps behind you, dread set in. You weren’t ready to face him yet, not after both of your actions last night. The footsteps stopped beside the bench; weakly you turned your head trying to prepare yourself to face him and the consequences of your actions.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips, it was Rhodey. Without thinking you jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck hugging him, needing some kind of gentle touch. It took him a few seconds but he wrapped his arms around you one around your back the other patting your head.

“Hey, it’s okay,” his words hushed trying to calm you down, when did you start crying? It didn’t matter anymore as you felt your body convulse in sobs.

It was a bit until you calmed down enough to let go of him. Rhodey smiled at you wiping your cheeks. You both sat on the bench, leaning your head on his shoulder he patted your hands in your lap. You could feel a small sense of peace taking you over, crying helping you release some of the pain over what had occurred in the past 12 hours. 

“Let’s get you back to your Cap, I think you need that golden boy treatment.” The words were a slap in the face but you worked hard not to express it outwardly. You wouldn’t let anyone know what happened last night, not sure if that was more for Steve than for you. Refusing to go back to him would raise suspicion but could you see him again so soon? What would you say to him? What would he say to you? You left before he woke up, and hadn’t been back inside since, spending most the day walking around the compound grounds or just staring. You hadn’t eaten since dinner last night. The thought of food made you nauseous however maybe you could use this an excuse to not see Steve just yet.

“You know,” you paused and clear your throat as your voice was rough from being silent all day. “I think I’ll get food first. I suddenly have a big appetite after that good cry,” you pushed forth a smile, keeping eye contact hoping Rhodey would buy it.

“Oh-okay.” He sounded half convinced but unsure if he should press you further given your delicate state. You wanted to frown at that, most men really couldn’t handle the intensity of emotions whether theirs or others. You hugged Rhodey one last time before thanking him and walking back to the compound.

-

You sat at the kitchen bar, picking at the plate of leftovers in front of you. Natasha’s voice could be heard muffled in the back doing some kind of debriefing. Natasha had taken lead, Steve unsure of returning to a leadership position of any kind since the Accords. Given his behavior last night that might have been the smartest thing he had done in the past 2 years. Shaking your head to push away the reminder of last night you took small bite of food, breathing deeply to keep it down. You would stay there all night slowly eating if it meant you could delay the inevitable.

Unaware of how long you had been sitting there Natasha pulled you back to reality calling out your name.

“Hm?” You looked towards her with a soft smile, but she gave you a concerning look.

“I was saying that I was disappointed it was a left over night and not a fresh cooked meal from our own personal chef.” You blushed at the compliment of your cooking skills. You were certainly not a chef but definitely the only one who could cook anything beyond macaroni and cheese at the compound. You had taken upon yourself as people came and went to cook, and keep leftovers in the fridge of home cooked meals.

“Oh Sorry Nat, I just wasn’t feel myself today.” She nodded in agreement.

“Yeah you were outside all day, I didn’t even see you give Steve the signature kiss goodbye when he left,” your eyes brightened at this thought, he was gone. “Oh Steve left?” Natasha’s eyes narrowing at the joy in your voice.

“Yeah…” she leaned over the kitchen bar across from you staring intently. “He’ll be back soon, so if you’re trying to avoid a certain super solider you better make yourself scarce quick.” A forced laugh came out trying your best to play the part of what you thought would seem normal right now.

“That’s funny Nat, why would I be hiding from Steve?” Looking down at your food and picking at it again hoping against all hope to have convinced even the best human lie detector if not then at least yourself.

“Why indeed,” she muttered before going to the fridge for her own dinner. Just then you heard a distant door opening, you scrunched your eyes shut knowing who it was.

“Nat I barely ate any of my food, why don’t you finish my plate? I think I’m going to go-” before you could finish your sentence he was there, walking to the kitchen dressed in civilian clothes, always the damn checkered button ups. Natasha looked between the both of you, sizing up the situation.

“Go do what?” Nat turned to you raising her eyebrows in expectance of an answer. With him near you, any lies or convincing fronts were lost to you.

“Just going to go,” you nodded your head quickly and began walking out of the room purposely the opposite direction Steve had come from. You heard him call out your name but you just shook your head and kept walking.

“I don’t know what you did Cap, but you better fix it,” you could hear Nat scolding him but his reply barely registering as you began to run. How could either of you fix what happened? You had pushed, broke the both of you, and he took everything as the pieces of you two fell on the floor.

Before you knew it you were back outside, running and running. It felt liberating, the cold night air pushing against your skin so much that it almost hurt but it didn’t stop the freeing feeling. As the forest came in your eye line you picked up your pace with determination, you just wanted to feel this freedom a little bit longer.

-

It was late when you finally came back to the compound, no late wasn’t right, it was early. You could hear the morning birds beginning their songs while making your way inside. Being so deep in nature had let you look back with a clearer head. You walked up to the door of your shared bedroom, the light shining out from under the door signaling he was awake in there. You could feel your body shake lightly, adrenalin beginning to surge through you as you prepared for whatever would come between the two of you after this.

Squaring your shoulders with a deep breath in through your nose and out your mouth you opened the door. When you entered he was sitting in on the bed, his legs stretched out, hand over his face. You cleared your throat causing him to sit up straight in shock looking at you with blood shot eyes, your name fell from his lips so softly that it almost hurt to hear. You took a step towards the bed but kept a safe distance from outside of his direct reach.

“I’m leaving,” he inhaled sharply eyes full of agony. “And you aren’t coming after me and you sure as all aren’t going to look for me. I need to know that you understand.” You could see him start to stand up, you quickly moved to across the other side of the bed near the closet and a window, tears threatening to spill. Your plan of exit already calculated if he tried anything.

He stared at you, with that hurt puppy dog look he was so good at. The look that normally would make you run to him and sooth his pain but you couldn’t do that for him, not anymore.

“I-I found a group therapy meeting, I listened mostly,” you waited for him to continue. If he was talking he was within the realm of reason still. “I talked a little but not about us.” You nodded your head.

“I’m glad you found that, I hope you keep going, maybe it can help you with whatever I clearly couldn’t.” you tried not to sound bitter but it was hard. He let out a small laugh looking down at his feet.

“You always did help me though, it wasn’t until after…” the silence was resounding, you wanted him to say it wanted him to acknowledge what happened. “After I forced myself on you that I realized all you ever did was try to help me and I just kept taking.” You nodded your head. While he had given everything of himself to the world, in return took everything from you to make up for his loss. It wasn’t hard to see, but you were glad he could see though it now but it didn’t change what happened. It never could.

“I’ll never ask you to forgive me,” he looked up at you, there were tears in his eyes, had he been crying just as much as you had? “But I will apologize and try to make amends in whatever way you will allow me.” Your hands balled up into fists at your side, how dare he think he could atone for this?

“What kind of man loves like this, Steven?” Your voice was forced even tone, trying so hard to not let yourself cry in anger or worse in pain. “What kind of man takes everything a woman has and what’s left after that too?” He takes a few steps towards you but you put a hand up, and as if you had some kind of physical force he abruptly stopped.

“A lost man, a broken man, a man who can’t love them self let alone someone else.” You answered your own question. “You were my habit and I was just as much yours but after Thanos,” with your eyed closed tight the tears started to fall, matching the ones continuing down his beautiful face. His stupid beautiful face. You sniffled and opened your eyes once more.

“After Thanos the habit didn’t work anymore so I’m leaving. I’m admitting I’m addicted to you and I am leaving that addiction because that’s what healthy people do Steven. They heal.” You walked up to him, framing his face with your hands you began wiping away his tears with your thumbs you couldn’t help the sob that escaped your lips watching his face softens with content at your touch. You pulled his hair back from his forehead, his hands gently holding your bent elbows, you were grateful he didn’t touch you anywhere else, not sure you could handle it.

“I love you Steve, more than I ever thought possible but we got lost along the way and there’s no way back to each other. So let’s say goodbye, okay?” His brows lifted in panic and he tried to shake his head no but you held his face still, petting his face again trying to calm him down. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is,” you choked out, feeling your strength cracking at the raw emotions unrelentingly swirling within you.

“I don’t know if I can let you go,” his voice wavered more tears trailed down his cheeks. You wiped them away too; you always wanted to wipe away his pain.

“It’s okay, because I can do it for both of us. This is the last thing I can give you Steven.” You lifted up pressing your lips to the corner of his mouth, tasting the saltiness of his tears. You pulled away, and dropped your hands to your sides, his hands lingered on your arms for a moment but he soon after they fell to his side as he sniffled.

“I love you,” his voice was barely above a whisper, so full of regret and pain you couldn’t recall a time you had heard him sound this way. You gave him a pained smile and stepped past him, walking out of the room and out of his life. You could come get your things later, but right now you had to leave for the both of you.


	5. Convalescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months since everyone came back from the snap. You find yourself living your life out in seclusion. Trying to manage your life’s new challenges until an unlikely visitor comes to set in motion the end or maybe the beginning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wont be super smutty in fact the smut that is there is kind of soft. Meh I am trying a softer happier ending than I had first written. This would not have taken so long except I was trying to cover some time line plus I wrote 3 different endings. Maybe one day I’ll share the other two

You turned your head out the giant bay window laying in the perfect temperature bubble bath. The night sky was gorgeous, being out in the mountains allowing every star to shine and twinkle it’s brightest. Soft sigh escaped your lips as you looked at your pruned hands, maybe it was time to get out but having time to yourself was so rare lately.

You walked into your room patting your hair dry, a sad smile tugged at your lips as your gaze fell on the picture of you, Tony, and a very pregnant Pepper decorating one of your bookshelves. After you left the compound you came to Tony seeking solace, he never made you tell him what happened but certainly made his guesses. You played midwife to Pepper as thanks and getting the gift of seeing Tony in a way you never thought, fatherhood.

It wasn’t until a year or so later that he helped you find the land and build a paradise of your own. You wanted to stay with them more than anything but the risk of Steve and everything else was too much so you took the chance to go into full seclusion. When Tony told you the plan three months ago to reverse the snap it took all your restraint not to help but you didn’t have the luxury of a spouse like Tony did. No you had to do everything on your own, not that you regretted a single moment.

Tony had given his life for everyone else’s, who knew he’d make that ultimate sacrifice for everyone but truly it was for Morgan. She was his second chance, and what beautiful second chance she was. You had attended the funeral but only after certain arangements were made. You could feel Steve’s eyes on you the entire time as you stood beside Happy. It wasn’t until you were talking with Bucky after everything had winded down that he finally approached you.

-

“Steve made me come, I don’t think Tony would have wanted me here,” Bucky confessed uncomfortable at the whole situation and feeling under dressed. You patted his flesh arm smiling up at him.

“I don’t think it matters, you’re here more for Steve than anything.” He nodded in agreement, his focus shifting to something behind you. Looking back you could Steve making his way towards the two of you. Taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself, while you knew this was bound to happen seeing him again left your emotions raw and bubbling at the surface. You would keep composure after all it was Tony’s funeral and you would not make a scene even if Tony himself would have found it funny.

“Captain Rogers,” you spoke even toned, Steve’s brow furrowing. There was a silence that settled between the two of you but neither of you breaking eye contact.

“I’m going to go…” Bucky started and clapped his hands together “anywhere but here.” walking off before you could persuade him to stay.

“You look great” “It’s good to see you,” speaking over each other then abruptly stopping with an awkward laugh. You gestured for him to go first but ever the gentleman he refused. “You first.”

“I was just saying it’s good to see you,” you smiled softly up at him, his brow unfurrowing for the first time since he walked up. His features kinder than they had been in many years, he looked happy again you noticed. The warmth you felt in your heart couldn’t be helped; you only wanted him to be happy. He started with saying your name, it had been so long since anyone said your name the way he did. You found the way your heart fluttered bothersome.

“You look great, better than ever.” He took your left hand but froze as his fingers felt the ring. “I guess the years have been kind to you, generous even.” He brought your hand up and looked at the simple one diamond silver ring. “Is he to thank for your glow?” you blushed at his words feeling senseless as you did.

“You could say that,” you kept it vague knowing full well the ring was a lie, it was just easier in the end to keep up the facade. Even though part of you longed to tell him everything you knew nothing good would come of it. He squeezed your hand with a painful smile before releasing.

“I hope he gives you everything.” The meaning behind his words not missed by you at all, “Is he-“ Steve paused looking away from you, “Is he why you didn’t join in the fight against Thanos?”

“Um, well that-” Thor called your name out walking up to you with Clint and a huge smile on Thor’s face. It had been years since you had seen each other. A laugh bubbled up from your throat as Thor picked you up and swung you around. With that Steve was gone and you were saved by the God of Thunder from having to lie.

“Where in the nine-realms have you been?” Thor sat you down, barely noticing Steve’s departure but Clint watched him walk away with interest. “We could have used your skill on the battlefield. I know I would have loved to fight along your side once more!” You were not able to stop smiling at Thor’s booming voice, not realizing how much you had missed everyone.

“Well I’m afraid my battle days are long behind me,” Thor frowned but only for a moment he hand resting on your shoulder gently. “Then rest easy my dear friend. I hope you have found your peace.” He squeezed your shoulder for a moment.

“We shall have to drink and catch up before we go our separate ways once more.” You were going to refuse Thor’s offer but he was walking off towards Banner and Steve talking to one another. Your heart squeezed seeing the three of them together knowing Tony should be right there.

“When are you going to stop lying about the ring?” Clint’s question shook you out of your thoughts.

“Excuse me?” Clint smirked at your attempts to play dumb.

“Listen you can fool them,” his hand gestured over to the three, “All day long but you and I both know you could never lie like…” he wouldn’t say her name would he? You pulled him into a hug, at first he was too shocked but melted into your embrace wrapping his arms around you.

“I-” your words caught in your throat his arm tightened around you and the tears began to fall, rubbing your face into his shoulder you could feel Clint take in a shuttering breath.

“They gave their lives so we could have ours,” Clint’s voice was so soft and quivery but you heard him. Steve was watching worrying his lip as you began to cry and almost went towards you before Banner grabbed his shoulder.

“When are you going back to wherever it is you are now?” Clint asked once you both pulled apart wiping your respect eyes.

“Pretty soon, I can’t be gone for too long,” Clint raised an eyebrow in question but you let it go unanswered.

“I suppose I can’t ask too much I understand wanting to keep things to yourself,” you smiled at his words; you weren’t sure how you could leave this bunch again.

“Before I go I promise I’ll let you know where you can find me if the need arises.” Clint pulled you into a playful hug messing with your hair at your whining of him being too sappy.

-

You curled into your big bed, the past still dancing around in your mind as you slept.

It was the following morning of your evening spent reflecting on the past that a very adamant small hand was furiously shaking you.

“Mom,” the whisper which was not truly a whisper pulled you out of your dreamless sleep.

“Mom.” The voice rose this time with an annoyed inflection. You rolled over to see the bright sky blue eyes peering at you under a head of messy long golden blonde hair.

“Olivia, why are you up already?”

“Because the sun is out duh,” her sass too much this early, you grabbed her and pulled her over you to tickle her. She shrieked then giggled trying to get free herself of your grip.

“You going to sass your mom huh?” you jeered, Olivia continuing to struggle free.

“Mom, there’s a man though.” You abruptly stopped to look down at her in confusion. “What man?”

“At the door,” You sat up straight at her words, panic starting to set in.

“You didn’t let him in did you?” trying to sound calm as can be to not worry your sweet little girl.

“No” she dragged the no out, smiling up at you. You patted her head while kissing her forehead.

“Well why don’t you stay here while mommy gets dressed and meets this man?” Olivia nodded enthusiastically at you. Going to your bedside table she used the interface of the house turning the TV on in your room to cartoons while you got dressed.

“He’s got a shiny arm,” your daughter spoke absentmindedly staring at the T.V.

“What was that honey?” pulling your shirt over your head.

“Man at the door. His arm it’s all shiny.” You gulped, oh great that could definitely only be one person after all. You leaned over and kissed her on the forehead again.

“Stay upstairs,” you went towards the bedroom door and turned around “Don’t rot your brain.”

“Uh-hu” never taking her eyes off the T.V. you rolled your eyes at your four year old as you made your way downstairs to the front door of your mountain cottage.

You could see his outline through the door, and yes the shiny arm. Well you couldn’t just stand there forever and it was foolish to think the Winter Soldier wouldn’t find you. He more than likely pressured the last person who knew of your whereabouts outside of Pepper. Even Bucky wouldn’t harass a widow. Poor Clint.

Quickly you opened the door, leaning against the frame in attempts to obstruct his view for inside.

“Now how did you find yourself all the way out here?” Bucky turned around and smiled brightly at you.

“You know how it goes; you take a wrong turn here and then miss your exit, bam you’re in the mountains at the front door of your best friend’s ex.” You snorted in response.

“Let’s cut to the chase, Steve send you to find me? Pretty sure I told him to never do so.”

“You get divorced?” He ignored you in turn asking his own question throwing you off. “Huh?” He nodded his head to your hand against resting the door frame, you cursed under your breath forgetting to put the fake wedding ring on before answering the door.

“Though I would think if you had been married and living out here where you clearly spend enough time outside to get a bit of a tan there should be a line.” Your eyes narrowed at his deduction.

“Did Steve send you?” You gritted out between clenched teeth.

“Steve is gone,” your eyebrows raised. “G-gone?” tears pricked your eyes.

“Well not like that – at least I don’t think so,” He trailed off looking over your head, quickly standing on your tiptoes trying to block his field of vision. “A lot of dishes in that sink for one person though.” His voice coming off like he was talking to himself.

“I’m lazy and don’t always want to do the dishes,” he smirked down at you. “If there was one thing you and Steve definitely had it common it was being very clean. No I suspect those are dishes from last night.” Your eyes narrowed, having enough of this game of clue.

“So, Steve is gone but not gone like what?” You tried to steer the two of you back on topic.

“Time travel stuff, its way beyond me, he went to take the stones back and never came back. Pissed Sam off, that was funny. I’m thinking he went back to the 1940’s.” He paused looking down at you with a side smirk, resting a hand on his stomach.

“I’m hungry, got any of your famous banana pancakes? Steve would not shut up about those most mornings”

“Anana Pancakes!” Olivia cheered from the top of the stairs, your eyes widened with fear looking up at Bucky who just kept smirking at you.

“Now who is that little voice I hear?” You groaned, it was inevitable now, stepping into the house you let Bucky through. His eyes went straight to find the source of the voice up the stairs but whatever he thought he was going to see was not the reality of it all.

He breathed in deep and stood still, those blue eyes unmistakable, and blonde hair shining as the morning sun bounced off it through the windows. He looked back to you, then back at your sweet little toddler heading down the stairs one step at a time begging for pancakes.

“Weren’t you supposed to stay upstairs and watch cartoons,” you gave Olivia a side eye but it softened at her gap toothed smile.

“Yeah but pancakes?” You groaned and picked Olivia up as she cheered knowing you were giving in.

Bucky followed behind still silent, watching every move and noise Olivia made. You sat her down on the counter and began to pull out all the needed ingredients for ‘anana pancakes’.

It wasn’t until you were mixing the batter together that Bucky seemed to finally come out of his stupor. “Did Steve know?”

You looked back to Olivia who was humming along to a tune in her head watching your mixing intently. “Honey could you go outside for a bit? Mommy wants to talk with her friend while she makes pancakes. I’ll give you extra bananas if you do.” Olivia nodded her head in vigorous agreement.

“Bye momma, bye shiny man!” She waved while making her way outside, Bucky giving a baffled half wave. Once you felt she was a safe distance outside you continued.

“No, he didn’t. I didn’t even know until 6 months after I left. Tony and Pepper pushed me to take a test and there it was something I thought I’d never have in my life.” You chuckled lightly, “Tony made some joke about warrior super soldier sperm.” Shaking your head somberly at the thought of Tony, an ache settling in your chest.

“I didn’t want him to know, Tony struggled keeping it to himself but I made him promise to never say anything. I left before Steve could ever come around to find out. He was in a bad place and while I know he never meant to hurt me I couldn’t put us at risk.” You began to heat the griddle.

“Part of me wanted to keep her from him as some sort of punishment, he took everything else. At the very least I got to keep her.”

“You should have never kept this from him. He would have never-”

“What? Gone back to Peggy? Got his happy ending he so desperately needed? Stop being Captain America and just be Steve?” you shook your head.

“He deserved to know, he loved you with everything in him”

“Then why did he take everything from me?” Your voice waivered, trying to keep yourself in check, there had been years of talk therapy to deal with everything you had been through before and with Steve but it didn’t make the pain go away completely.

“Steve told me what he did in great detail, and I am in no way justifying him. I never knew he had it in him,” Bucky paused “No that’s a lie he was different for a long time after everything happened between him and Tony” you nodded in agreement “But he deserves to know he is a father.”

“Was,” you corrected. “What?” Bucky gave you a confused look. “He went to the past more than likely he’s dead or close to it so he was a father.” He growled at you, oddly making you miss Steve in a way you cared not to dwell on.

“I find out my best friend has a kid he _never_ knew about and you want to get into semantics and syntax?!”

You sighed and silence reigned over the two of you as you flipped the pancake over and preparing to start a new one. This was not going to be easy to get through; you could feel Bucky’s animosity rolling off him.

“I know it was wrong,” you whispered out continuing making pancakes as if nothing was happening, as if this wasn’t a conversation you never wanted to have. “I’ve told her all about him. She knows her dad is Captain America, she knows her dad loves her but that,” you paused not proud of yourself for any of this. “But that to keep us safe he couldn’t visit.” You didn’t dare look back to see Bucky’s face at your confession.

Silence reigned over the kitchen as you finished cooking. Calling out for Olivia you couldn’t help but smile hearing her hurried feet against the porch floorboards. Even with all the pain that led to her, there was a part of you that would always love that night for giving you something you not only thought you couldn’t have but didn’t recognize you needed.

The three of you ate at the kitchen table, Olivia talking continuously only interrupted by mouth full of bananas and pancakes. You watched Bucky take in everything she said as if it was gospel, his eyes so kind and loving right away.

Later that night after Olivia was tucked in bed you found the two of you back at the kitchen table with a bottle of wine. You reminisced, sharing the joined stories and telling new ones. You heard about Thor leaving with some people from Space, the current list of Avengers, Sam’s banter being a welcomed distraction at Steve’s absence and finally the reason he was there to begin with.

“You remind me of him in the best ways. I had to make sure you were safe and taken care of.” He paused placing his hand in his inner jacket pocket toying with something.

“I never imagined I’d find _this_.” You nodded your head; it was unexpected for you as well. He pulled an envelope from his jacket and set it in front of you, your name written on the front in Steve’s handwriting. You placed your hand against your mouth, unsure of what you would say.

“It was in his room, I don’t know if he ever planned to give it to you but I figured if I did find you I’d make sure you got it. Read it or don’t.” He stood up stretching his arms above his head with a yawn.

“I’ll take my leave but I’ll be back,” he smiled down at you and patted your hand sitting on the table but you never took your eyes off the letter giving a barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement.

You weren’t sure how long it had been since hearing his car pull away that you opened the letter with shaky hands. Before you could start reading you sat it back down on the table, battling if you wanted to hear what could be painful excuses or heartfelt apologies. Shaking your head, writing you a letter was such a Steve move, you poured yourself another glass of wine preparing to deal with whatever he had to say.

-

Bucky came around often, actually he came around constantly, crashing in the guest bedroom during weekends and sometimes during the week. The three of you had settled into a routine together over the past half year. You didn’t mind though and Olivia loved playing with him but it wasn’t until he was gone for 3 weeks that realized how much is presence had meant to both of you. Olivia had been rather fussy going down for a nap that day, her room in utter disarray and driving you insane as she fought every step of the way while cleaning up after her nap.

You were reading a war history book on the porch swing trying to calm your frazzled nerves as Olivia colored enthusiastically with her crayons when Bucky’s car pulled up. Olivia looked up eagerly dropping her crayons and ran up to the car as it parked.

“Ucky!” Olivia screeched her B’s still not forming properly. You knew a speech therapist was a potential need in the near future as she readied for actual school. Bucky picked her up as he stepped out of the car and held her tight to him standing up straight.

“How has my little princess been?” He smiled at Olivia, bouncing her in his arms as he ascended the porch steps. “A terror,” you muttered and Bucky frowned at Olivia.

“Now then princess, you have to behave for your mother the Queen, right?” you rolled your eyes at Bucky setting your book down. Olivia hides into his chest with shame, knowing she should behave.

“Missed you,” Olivia muttered. Bucky looked at you with wide eyes, her words breaking his heart.

“Well I’m here now!” He pulled her head up and kissed her forehead. “Let’s play princess and knight!” Olivia’s cheer brought a smile to your face as the two of them went off the play. You pulled your book back up and began to read, feeling yourself relax just knowing he was there.

“You’re the princess though!” you chuckled at Olivia’s command; she was never one to play the damsel in distress.

The usual routine set in for the remainder of the day ending in a bottle of wine shared between the two of you at the kitchen table, chairs pulled out facing each other while Olivia slept soundly upstairs. “I wish I deserved this,” Bucky huffed out finishing his glass of wine.

“Deserved what?” You tilted your head looking him perplexed.

“A family, a woman who loved me, a quiet house… this,” he gestured around the room with his metal arm.

“Bucky,” your voice almost scolding him, “You deserve this too, all of it.” He shook his head in disagreement.

“After all I’ve done, I’m grateful I’ve been given the chance to make it right by saving lives instead of just taking them” You frowned at him pushed at his shoulder, trying to shake him of his doubt.

“You’re a good man Bucky.” Placing both your hands on his legs looking him straight in the eye. “You’re great with Olivia. She loves her Uncle Bucky so much,” Bucky couldn’t help the smile that pulled at the corner of his lips. You pulled one hand back to your wine glass, tipping your head back and finishing the last of it.

“Refill!” You chimed grabbing the bottle only to frown at it being empty. “Guess we need a new bottle,” you stood up too quickly, the buzz from the wine making you teeter and land right on Bucky. He caught you with his arms wrapped around your waist pulling you to him, your legs straddling his legs closed. You placed both your hands on his shoulder to steady yourself as you giggled at your clumsiness.

When your giggling died down you looked down at him to see his face stone still looking up at you your chest heaving in front of his face, lifting one hand up you dragged your fingers gently down his cheek, his eyes softening immediately.

“You are a good man James Barnes.” His eyes closed and looked back up at you, the pupils widening a bit.

“No I’m not” he pulled you down into his lap capturing your lips in an awkward and messy kiss, both of you severely out of practice. You were enjoying the sensations moving through your body, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in deeper he bucked against you pulling a small whimper from your lips.

When his tongue grazed your bottom lip your eyes shot open and you stood up taking several steps back, a hand gently touching your lips. You both stuttered trying to compose yourself.

-

Neither of you brought up that night, both trying to pretend it didn’t happen. While you were relieved that neither of you pushed the topic. There was lingering tension for a while however it didn’t take long for things to return to normal, or the normal the three of you had built together. He was gone for a week this time and when he returned it was the dead of night, you were woken up with him saying your name harsher than ever before and jerking your body burrowed under the covers.

“Whu- Bucky?” You looked into the darkness of your room confused as to what was going on. He turned the side table light on and immediately you saw the distress written all over his face.

“What’s wrong Bucky?” You sat up as he sat down at the corner of your bed, his back stiff as a board.

“He’s back,” it took you a moment to process what he meant by that but as your brain started to reboot your eyes widened in panic

“Oh!” you scrambled up towards him pulling at his shoulders to get him to face you but he wouldn’t budge, eyes never blinking.

“You can’t tell him Bucky.” You begged feeling large tears falling from your eyes. “Please Bucky, please don’t tell him” You pleaded but he wouldn’t look at you.

“It’s too late,” he finally turned to you with regret in his eyes.

“He’s been back a week and” He took a deep breath turning his head straight ahead “I couldn’t keep it from him.” You fell back from the force of letting go of him, back of your head hit the wall but you didn’t care about that or respond when he said your name.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the rumbling of a motorcycle get louder.

“No, no, no” you scrambled off your bed in only a night shirt. Whizzing past Oliva’s closed bedroom door and down the stairs you opened the door with such force the wind sent your hair and shirt flying back.

There he was, pushing the motorcycle’s kick stand down while pulling his helmet off. Even the moon light shined off his golden hair, golden hair just like your precious girl. You clutched your hands to your heart, your body frozen watching him dismount the motorcycle and begin walking towards you with purpose. His face hard set with pain and anger when he stopped in front of you. You pushed your hands against his chest, looking up at him.

“Please,” you began “Let me see her,” he voice brokered no argument but at least he wasn’t forcing his way in you thought.

Without another word you walked up the stairs, feeling his oppressive shadow looming behind you. Your eyes cut to Bucky leaning his back against the door frame of your bedroom when your eyes met you glared at him, your body seething in anger.

Gently you opened the door to Olivia’s bedroom; turning to face Steve you put your pointer finger over your lips. He nodded looking into the darkness of the room in fear, fear of what he would find in there. He slowly stepped towards the small lump in the bed. You sat at the middle on the side of the bed and pulled the hair back from in front of her face. You could hear Steve gasp cut off by him covering his mouth with a gloved hand. You gently trailed your fingers over her cheek not daring to look up at Steve just yet.

He moved to his knees, you could feel the head of his body against your legs as he hovered over Olivia’s sleeping form. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at Olivia in awe and admiration. It was awhile before he moved, shakily removing a glove and placing his hand over the top of her head, almost hovering at first before finally settling his hand gently on the crown of her head.

His body visibly sagged at the touch, his shoulders hunched over and trembling. You pulled your hand away from Olivia wanting to give Steve this moment to himself. You went to stand up but his still gloved hand grabbed your shoulder pulling you gently back down.

The three of you remained in this position for a while, Steve entranced at Olivia’s breathing and his other hand never leaving your shoulder. He pulled his hand back from you slowly, “Perfect” came out under his breath as he removed his other hand from Olivia. He went to stand up but froze mid lift when the glimmer of a frame on the bedside table caught his eye.

You looked away in embarrassment for some reason. He grabbed the photo and took it with him as he stood up, staring at it longingly barely visible from the moon light shining into Olivia’s room. It was the best photo ever taken of just the two of you, out on Clint’s farm his arm was wrapped around your waist and you leaned against his chest both of you smiling bright looking at the camera.

He sat the frame down gently and the both of you made your way out of the room, pulling the door closed, behind you both super soldiers walked down stairs. You followed them until you and Steve were outside Bucky remaining inside; you were not prepared for the conversation that would follow.

Steve remained silent, looking at you trying he was trying to formulate what he wanted to say first but you beat him to it.

“I should have never kept you from her,” you knew it was true, the action as purely out of fear and selfishness.

“No, you shouldn’t have. You had no right!” When his voice rose he stopped talking, taking deep breaths. “You were protecting yourself and her I know. It still hurts that you did it. I missed so much time with her and with you but I –” He sighed. “I was a different person then. I understand why.” He sighed looking up towards the moon.

“Bucky told me her name is Olivia, gorgeous name.”

“Olivia Sarah Rogers,” Steve’ eyes widened at his mother’ name being incorporated but never looked at you. You could near him sniffled a little and could feel the need to comfort him rise within you.

“She’s so beautiful, so perfect. How could so much pain make something so pure?” his words echoing what you had thought often these past years.

“It wasn’t all pain,” you swallowed hard looking down at your feet. “We loved each other as much as we could and from that love, came her.” He hmed in agreement.

“I don’t know how we will work it out but I _will_ be part of her life now and forever.” You nodded your head though he missed it still looking up at the night sky; Olivia needed her father in her life.

“Bucky told me you read my letter.” He was looking directly at you now, “I only went back because I knew I couldn’t have you. I thought I could regain the happiness I had with you by returning to another time I felt that way,” You nodded your head in understanding.

“But it was never the same, not after you,” he paused a moment contemplating if he should continue “I am still so deeply in love with you.” He sighed out your name and made a step toward you, you immediately took one back.

“I can give you friendship and a mutual respect as Olivia’s parents but anything beyond that,” you swallowed hard not liking the apprehension tingling up your spine. “and you’re asking for too much.” He took a step back and looked down nodding his head.

“Right, right.” He looked back up and extended his hand. “Friends then?” You timidly took his hand and shook. “Yeah, friends.”

-6 Month Later-

He took her almost every weekend he was not working, and sometimes for a week at a time trying often to get you to come with them but his attempts remained unsuccessful. The alone time was new to you but welcomed.

Bucky would come by and keep you company, sometimes with Sam to leave you in stitches from laughing at the two of them. Rarely Wanda would find her way out to you; still hurt you never reached out to her when everyone came back. More often than not you found yourself working on projects around the property you had put off, fixing the chicken coop, planting the new vegetables, and finally fixing Olivia’s favorite porch swing.

He was helping Oliva out of his car when you were repairing the porch swing facing the mountain cliff when the whole thing fell from the chain you had just put it on directly onto your foot. “Fuck!” You yelled out in pain cursing Tony and the architect who designed this unreasonably weighed porch swing. The metal bench definitely broke a toe or two.

“Language!” You could hear Oliva call out from around the corner of the wrap around porch as she ran inside. The eye roll you gave should have definitely sent your eyes completely detached. Oh of course he taught her that. Steve’s chuckle was unmistakable as his heavy foot stops neared you as you started to pick the bench up again in attempt to attach it to the new chain for a second time.

“Want some help?” he offered from behind you, giving out a huff and nodding your head in the direction the other side of the bench still on the ground. He lifted his side up with ease, eyes widening at the weight of it.

“Why would you want a bench this heavy? No wonder it fell out of your grip.” He commented as you both successfully secured it on the new chains.

“Tony wanted to guarantee everything would be sturdy enough in case little on over there came into some type of power…” she paused looking up at him, “Also in case a super soldier wanted to sit in it the poor thing wouldn’t just crumble and fold under the weight.” Steve laughed at that one, putting his hands in his pockets.

“He always thought of everything,” Steve’s tone dropping its cheerfulness. “Sometimes I look at Olivia I wonder how much she’d have him wrapped around his finger.” You nodded your head having felt the, “Oh she did, Morgan and Olivia ran his life when together,” you added.

His smile sad full of regret having missed the chance to see that, you could sense he wanted to reach for you as he pulled at his pockets but he thought better of it. You were appreciative for his restrain. You went to take a step towards the front door but bent over in pain shooting from your toes up your leg. 

Steve looked at you in concern but you waved him off. “I’ll be fine, just need to wrap it,” you hobble rather slowly and as you pass Steve he picks you up with both arms cradling you to his chest.

“It will take you until dinner to even get up the stairs at that rate.” He gave you no room to argue and he took you to the master bathroom you muttered unintelligible under your breath. He sat you down on your vanity chair and began rummaging under the sink before pulling out your first aid kit. He lifted your damaged foot up to his standing lap you winced while he pulled your shoe and sock off.

“This is bruising quickly,” his voice laced with concern and began to wrap the two big toes together. You tried your best not to make any noises but it really did hurt. “You were always the worst at being mindful of your feet.” He smiled as he continued to treat your foot.

You smiled softly up at him, but his eyes were focused on securing your toes and not putting you in anymore pain than you already were. The gently grazing of his fingers on your foot made you realize you were so starved for touch that wasn’t from a child. The last time an adult touched you intimately was Bucky.

You blanched at that thought and cleared your throat wondering if Bucky had told Steve about the kiss. You weren’t sure if you wanted to know or of his reaction recalling his 100th birthday fiasco, while very hot it was spurred on by his insecurity when it came to Bucky. Pulling you from your thoughts you felt Steve’s hand gently caressing your ankle looking down at you with a softness you hadn’t seen form him since you two had begun spending time together again.

Uncomfortable by his attention you pulled your food down muttering a thank you. He nodded and stood up straight. “Did you know that Bucky is seeing a girl who works in the Compound?” he tried to keep you talking, not wanting to leave your presence just yet.

“Oh?” You smiled at the thought, “He did not tell me, that sly dog!” You chuckled while standing up on your feet once more.

“Why don’t you shower, the binding should be fine getting wet. I’ll cook dinner for all of us. It’s getting late and you won’t be able to do both those things before Olivia gets ‘hangry’”

“Oh, uh, yeah okay.” You were still having trouble with handling the two parent life style. While it was a welcome change it was hard to share Olivia, more so hard to depend on Steve again but as the months had gone by it was getting easier and feeling more natural.

Steve left not too soon after dinner was done, dishes washed and Olivia tucked in bed after a bed time story, you hobbled up towards your bedroom pushing the door open your brows furrowed at the envelop on your bed. It was Steve’s hand writing and your name. Without waiting much further you read the letter through. It were as if Steve was writing his private journal and giving you the pages. What you didn’t know this was just the first of many for the next months. Leave it to Steve to hand write you letters instead of e-mailing or texting like anyone else would do.

He would hide the letters sometimes. Once you found one in the pantry, another under a couch cushion. You thought for a moment was he sneaking in at night and hiding them, the image making you laugh.

At first most his letters expressed his remorse over you, the accords, Tony, Bucky and everything in the between. Then they turned more specific. He explained why he couldn’t stay back in time. He had romanticized the past, the inequality and hate harsher than he ever remember. After the initial bliss of being with Peggy wore off that he could see that he never really belonged to that time, not after everything he went through in the 21st century, not after you.

He joked that even though he felt this was his time more he couldn’t work the time travel device well enough to get back to the right time. Never once did he ask you to reply to him instead he would write that these were his only way he could communicate with you without trying to repair it all by trying to kiss and hold you to him until part of you remained inside him always.

He talked about addiction and habits, breaking down how you two turned so toxic for each other, owning his own mistakes and seeing yours too. It was refreshing to see or read this version of him so open, so vulnerable. A few letters became more illicit, and you couldn’t help the way your face flushed and breathing labored.

You read them often, sometimes you cried, other times you laughed, and every now and then you would touch yourself remembering the best times with him.

-

The storm was ragging hard outside, the power staying on curtesy of the backup generator. The three of you were on the living room couch together, Olivia in the middle singing along to the cartoon musical playing. You were reading one of the war history books Bucky had Steve read over some a report of some kind. You saw the lightning strike and felt your hairs rise at the close proximity before the loud pop came.

Olivia screamed and reached for both of you, without thinking you both wrapped her around the two of you as you hushed her whimpers. Steve gently pet her hair down telling her how brave and strong she was that something as puny as lightning or thunder could never hurt her.

She calmed down after a bit and went back to watching her movie, the two of you returning to your previous activities. Steve’s eyes kept leaving his report looking back at you with a side frown, his tongue running along the bottom of his teeth before he looked down at Olivia to see she had crashed. A warm smile spread across his face lighting his eyes, reaching down he gently cupped her tiny face in his hand.

At times he hurt at how much he could love this little person, she was a perfect mold of the two of you, her hardheadedness rivaling both yours and that soft compassion you had instilled him reminding him how wonderful of a woman you truly are.

He picked Olivia up without a word to you and took her up to her room. You turned the T.V. off and slowly made your way upstairs. Your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest watching him tuck her in and kiss her forehead before turning off her light and closing the door. You’d be stupid to deny the growing warmth you felt towards him, his fatherly behavior and letters awakening a long dulled feeling.

When he turned to face you after pulling the door to you couldn’t stop yourself from taking his hand and pulling him into your room. Shutting the door softly you watched him staring at your bed littered in his letters. You blushed as if it was secret that his letters would ever be cherished and re-read.

You took his hand, gently pulling him to face you, his face soft and eyes looking all around your face as if trying to memorize each line, each sun kissed spot. Taking the hand you hold you put it against your cheek. You nuzzled your face into his large hand as he cupped your face so gently, grazing your other cheek with the back of his fingers. His eyes were a bright blue; you could see the tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

“I ache every time you look at me, and every time Olivia smiles at me all I can see is you,” he paused leaning his head down until your lips were a hairs breathe away but he kept his distance his eyes searching yours. You could feel your heart rate pick up at the sudden closeness. “Oh doll face how I ache, ache with pride at what a wonderful girl you’ve raised, ache with pain knowing you kept her from me, ache with need to hold you every night, ache to kiss you,”

“Then kiss me,” your voice was so soft you almost thought he wouldn’t hear you over your heart drumming so loud in your chest, but his lips touched yours, so gently, so soft. You rested your hand at his hips, the kiss remaining chaste and loving as you leaned up on your toes to him. He pulled his lips from yours only to turn his head and press them gently to yours once more. He led you slowly to the bed, never breaking contact with your lips. Without looking you pushed his letters off your bed, he pulled his lips from yours and gently pulled you with him to lie on your sides facing each other.

“I don’t want you to give or do anything you can’t,” he was searching your eyes for any uncertainty or doubt about what you were doing. You shook your head and marveled at the way he had changed, the way he wanted to take care of you, truly, how it used to be so long ago. You kissed him this time, pressing your lips against him with a sense of urgency, your tongue venturing out to gently swipe along his bottom lip. He groaned out and rolled over on top of you, holding himself up on his elbows, returning your urgency, tentatively rolling his tongue along yours. 

He was so attentive, never pushing too hard, or demanding. Instead it was slow, languid and reverent with each touch. His hands slowly pulling your shirt off, exposing an old sports bra, he rests his head on your chest and you felt dampness seeping into the bra.

Lifting his head up you could see a few tears still falling down his cheeks; you pulled him back up kissing his lips gently tasting the salt of his tears.

“Hey hey,” you whispered against his lips, “no crying you’re going to give me a complex.” You tried to joke and he gave you a half smile.

“I’ve felt like half of me has been pulled apart for so long, seeing you again and now being here laying with you once more, “ he swallowed a lip in his throat, “kissing you was almost too much. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I don’t deserve you,”

You sat up on your elbows frowning at him. “You deserve to be happy, everyone deserves that. I deserve that. Here with you, I feel happy. Let’s just be happy Steve. Together.”

“I want that but I cannot let you go if you let me back in. This won’t be just one night” He confessed, pain on his face the thought of losing you again.

“Just ask Steve,” he smile and crawled back up your body. Looking into your eyes he whispered your name.

“Be mine,” You could only nod yes. He was kissing you once more, pulling your tongue out to gently caress between each other. Slowly he made his way down your jaw to your neck; his hands began to work your sports bra off. As you lay back down from helping your bra off you felt self-conscious. It was the first time he had seen your breasts or body for that matter since having Olivia you tried your best to fight your insecurity away.

He lavished his attention on your breasts, moving between each one nipping, suckling and gently biting down. You whimpered and mewled at the sensations running up and down your body at his touch. Tenderly he kissed down your stomach, pulling your pants and underwear lower pausing at your faint cesarean scar, you felt the insecurity creep in but he nuzzled his face into kissing the skin he touched as he pulled your pants and under wear completely off. Continuing his gentle kisses he left a final on one your mons, looking up at you with that signature blown pupils of desire and a soft grin curling around his mouth.

You reached down, smoothing his hair down with one hand the other cupping the side of his face. Without another moment he kept eye contact pulling your little bud in between his lips, gently rolling his tongue against it while he trailed fingers up and down your sopping wet core. You lifted your knees up immediately bring your hands to the side of your head and arching your back with a soft cry. With his other hand his pushed down on your lower abdomen to keep you from pushing him off, continuing his slow rolling along your clit he dipped one finger in, groaning into your mound at the wetness.

You felt the tall tale coil tighten fast as he moved second finger inside of you, moving at a steady but not rough pace. This was the first time you had been touched in over five years, it was so gentle and passionate you could feel yourself start to cry. He started suckling on your clit and it was more than you could take, you sobbed out his name as you came with such ferocity. Had he not been pressing your lower abdomen down you would have surely thrown him off the bed as you shoved.

His touch was so pure, so loving you felt the tears still streaming down your face as he crawled back up your body.

He called out your name but you didn’t open your eyes, almost afraid this was one of your many dreams. He said your name in a hushed tone this time. You could feel the pads of his thumbs whipping away your tears as he held your face. Slowly you opened your eyes, looking into his worried striking blue eyes.

“Are you okay?” his words timid, scared of the answer. You nodded your head, leaning up to kiss him softly. When he pulled away he saw the sleepiness in your eyes and smiled. Rolling over to your side he pulled your back against his front and cradled you into him. You felt his arousal against your back and as you went to reach for him he grabbed your hand.

“No doll face, this is only about you,” you nodded your head, still concerned about his needs as he held your hand pulling it to your chest.

“It should have always been about you,” his voice hushed, feeling the heat of his breath graze along your temple. “It will be from now on.” The conviction in his voice resonating through you as your eyes began to droop closed.

“I love you,” the words didn’t reach you though, already fast sleep, but it didn’t matter to him if you heard it because he was determined to show you the truth from then on.


End file.
